More ideas for Iowa’s welcome signs

State lawmakers think Iowa needs a new slogan for the purpose of greeting travelers as they enter the state. I can't help but agree. Further, I've been keeping up with recent actions in the state Legislature, and can offer many promising possibilities from which to choose.

First, with recent executive actions designed to protect Iowans against COVID-19, I propose any of the following: 'Welcome to Iowa, where CDC stands for Casually Discounting Clinicians.” Or, perhaps

this take off from our state motto: 'Our liberties we prize and our masks we will not wear.” Otherwise, no one could deny the catchiness of this slogan: 'Iowa: Our governor is smarter than your doctor.”

With reference to legislative actions pertaining to the LGBTQ community, I offer the following gem: 'Welcome to Iowa. Obey the bathroom police, and nobody gets hurt.”

Moving to address the overhaul of voting protocol in response to the false assertion that the 2020 presidential election was stolen, perhaps the following would work: 'Suppression? Yes, but you can still vote for the Republican of your choice.”

Some one-offs reflecting the priorities of this legislative sessions are as follows: 'Iowa: Guns ‘R' Us!” and 'Iowa: Working hard to purge our failing schools.” How about, 'A woman's right to choose? Us old white guys will decide, honey.”

Pertaining to recent discussions of the Black Lives Matter movement, I offer the following: 'Iowa: Not a racist bone in our white bodies.” Or 'We think 1619 merely pertains to the price of a bushel of corn.” We may have to consult Sen. Joni Ernst on that last one.

Other strong candidates for the slogan are also in contention. In attempting to clean up Iowa's image, which some people claim has been sullied, the Legislature could counter with the following winners: 'Iowa Nice: It's not just a myth, dammit!” and 'We never actually supported Steve King, honestly.” Conversely, we could reference a proud aspect of Iowa history: 'Herbert Hoover never got impeached. Not even once!”

In this age of safety, perhaps the following friendly ag-related warning would be a good point: 'Iowa: You probably don't want to swim in our rivers and lakes.”

Finally, a dark horse but my favorite because it's very closely based on a quote from our own Sen. Chuck Grassley: 'Iowa: You've got to admit it's better than socialism.”

Because a sleek vehicle on a welcoming sign always draws attention, the slogan could be adorned with the vehicle of choice of the 2021 Legislature - obviously an over-designed steamroller.

So, please consider all options. However, the bad news is that any comments you give to your elected representatives will be too little too late, and you'll be stuck with a slogan that has the support of only small percentage of Iowans but a big percentage of lobbyists with deep pockets. Better luck next session, Iowans!

Matt Brandt lives in Cedar Rapids.