America has forgotten civility and compromise

Everyone watching TV has probably seen Mattress Firm’s ads with the tagline,” How do you sleep at night?” There’s quite a variety. There’s the muscle man at the gym drenching the weightlifting bench in sweat and then refusing to wipe it up. There's Nana catfishing on a dating app using a fake bikini clad photo and then saying, “They even send me gift cards sometimes,” and there’s the barefoot guy feet up on the plane.

What do these ads illustrate? They all show a person behaving badly, and then bragging, they sleep well because of Mattress Firm.

My guess is 10 years ago a national company wouldn’t design ads where the main character is someone you wouldn’t want to follow at the gym, get reeled in on a dating app., or be forced to sit by on a plane.

What’s changed?

Some might see these ads as a rebellion against political correctness. But political correctness has nothing to do with some guy on a plane deciding other passengers must see and smell his bare feet.

It’s about basic civility and willingness to compromise for the comfort of others.

As families gather for the holidays, everyone craves harmony or at least compromise. But for many, once they catch up on family ailments, talk about the weather, and dote on the children, someone will say something vaguely political. Soon the red hats and those bleeding blue square off.

We seem to have forgotten how to be civil or to compromise.

It’s no wonder after the past 24 months. We’ve heard insults as a campaign tactic for an ugly presidential race. Imagine Richard Nixon calling John Kennedy, “stupid, mentally unstable, and low IQ.” Imagine Kennedy comparing Nixon to “Hitler and calling him a danger to democracy.” Even the president elect’s Thanksgiving message is full of taunting insults. Like children, both sides blame the other for starting it.

We just shrug.

Our Founding Fathers weren’t delicate combatants either. John Adams referred to Alexander Hamilton as, “The bastard brat of a Scott peddler.” Adams also called George Washington “Illiterate, unlearned, and unread.” Jefferson called John Adams “distrustful, obstinate, and excessively vain.” But there were no cable TV megaphones blasting political insults 24/7.

Abraham Maslow said,” If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will start treating all your problems like a nail.” Quite a few politicians believe they must hammer opponents into submission instead of finding compromise. Both parties do it, because voters reward it. Being civil and compromising may not be exciting, but it solves real problems.

Throwing insults kills compromise.

I bargained educator contracts for 30 years. I didn’t always get my way, and neither did the other side. Generally, we worked out compromises not because we wanted to, but because we had to for the best interest of the people we represented. If we didn’t, the arbitrator decided on a solution.

It’s hard to demonize the other side and then make a deal with the devil. Your own constituency won’t trust the bargain. Yes, there are principles that can’t be compromised, and they need to be clearly understood by both parties and civilly protected as sacred.

We need a return to civility and compromise. If we don’t, democracy could get hammered.

Bruce Lear lives in Sioux City. He taught for 11 years and represented educators as an Iowa State Education Association Regional Director for 27 years until he retired. BruceLear2419@gmail.com