COLUMN: What Have You Done?

Feel attacked? Yeah, I did too when the question came at me as I was only halfway through my first cup of coffee on a Monday morning. Despite my nervous system’s immediate call to arms, I was not under attack. This moment inspired me to reflect on our tendency to judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others. We often refer to this as our inner critic.

Ages ago, I introduced my inner critic to what I call my inner guru. My inner guru is everything you’d picture a guru to be: confident, self-assured, steadfast, resolute, matter-of-fact, connected to a higher truth. My inner critic is not any of that. She is mean, nasty, insecure, and hateful at times. As such, it was a process to develop that inner guru. Maybe you have your version of these?

At the moment of the attack I mentioned, my inner critic went to work telling me I had done nothing at all in 2025. Still, I wrote the question in my notebook and proceeded to fill the page with the things I had accomplished, both personally and professionally. What magic is this?

Our inner critic can hobble us. Our inner guru can grant us freedom. You chose which to engage with. This reminds me of the oft-told story of the two wolves:

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said, “A battle is raging inside me … it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The old man looked at the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”

Look around over the next few days, I bet you find someone with a two-wolf tattoo. As humans, we tend to resonate with this idea. As leaders, we must understand it as we lead ourselves and others to achieve our mission. When we feed the inner guru wolf, we can see what we have achieved, rather than letting our inner critic wolf destroy it.

Your challenge is how to feed that inner guru wolf. This is what Dangerous Leaders do once we recognize that there is an imbalance. We take action. That is the magic of taking action to diminish the inner critic.

Our self-talk — the inner narrative we feed — is essential to how we engage with the world around us. Our magic is in our ability to act in a way that changes our thinking. So, when we feel the inner critic roaring, we can shift into a different position based on our actions.

Identify the things in your life that fuel you. This can range from having a conversation with someone who encourages you, journaling, taking a walk, exercising in any form, or anything that fuels your energy. For example, this morning, I ate a very ripe strawberry from my strawberry plant outside — instant perspective changer.

It can also mean removing things that deplete your energy. People, activities, and commitments rooted in obligation rather than excitement can all become fuel for your inner critic. If they are not aligned with the work and life you feel most aligned with, consider why you keep them. Identify their purpose and, if not essential, let go.

Dangerous Leaders are self-aware. We can identify when we are limiting ourselves and shift our thinking and actions to align with where we want to go in life. Sometimes it is thought that shifts first, sometimes it is action, but there is always a shift toward alignment with the kind of leader and the kind of human they want to be. Live and Lead Dangerously, Be You.

Dr. Jennifer Smith is a Cedar Rapids-based professional coach and speaker, specializing in transforming trauma into growth in life and leadership. Comments: jennifer@dangerousleader.com; @dr.jennsmith on Instagram.