Today, I'm you . . .

I've been watching "College Gameday" since 9 a.m. I saw the story on Georgia coach Mark Richt and his two adopted children from the Ukraine. Wow. I don't think I knew that. It was a moving piece, excellent.

That was set against the background of all those dumb-a$$ signs behind Chris, Kirk and Lee. Something about a "baby arm"? "Daryl Clark is hooked on phonics."

Anyway, my wife doesn't know this but I'm going for the gusto (Schlitz reference -- thank you, Doug) today.

First, I'm doing some advanced scouting with Illinois @ Wisconsin. If/when (more when considering the state of the Badgers) that stinks, I'll go to Texas Tech and Kansas because if Iowa makes it to a bowl, one of these two could be the opponent. I wouldn't watch Northwestern-Indiana at a strip club with free chicken wings and beer.

The 2:30 plan is Michigan-Michigan State. I don't have any strong feelings for either program. I don't have to scout on either team. The draw for me is the "little brother" pile of poo that talky Mike Hart left for his mates for as long as Mark Dantonio is coach at MSU. What will keep me flipping here is the HD factor. I can't get KCRG in HD, so the Georgia-LSU game on KGAN or whatever it is this week is going to be that much more interesting. (Plus, it should be a damn good game.)

(Bloggus interruptus: Lee Corso is about to put the mascot head on. I wish this was more like the Sam Peckinpah classic, "Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia," the story of an American bartender and his prostitute girlfriend on a road trip through the Mexican underworld to collect a $1 million bounty on the head of a dead gigolo.)

(Bloggus interruptus II: LeBron James is the one player who could pull me into the NBA.)

Primetime, I'm afraid I'm stuck with non-HD Penn State @ Ohio State. There's the scouting factor. It's the Big Ten and it should be a fantastic game. Put up or shut up, Ohio State. Penn State, are you the unfeeling killing machine you appear to be?

The competition is the World Series (blech), Notre Dame-Washington (double blech), Alabama-Tennessee (maybe), Colorado-Missouri (scouting factor, Insight Bowl, Colorado), Texas A&M @ Iowa State (hmm, no), Wyoming @ Texas Christian (why isn't this on for Tuesday night?) and Red Wings @ Blackhawks.

But you know what the winner is going to be? Minnesota at Wisconsin hockey, HD, on the Big Ten Network. The Badgers are winless this year, but this is their time.

(Bloggus interruptus III: Corso just put on the Brutus head to the cheers of the Columbus crowd. Big surprise.)

Game on.

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Fumble Wisconsin. Interception Juice. 3-0 Badgers. Both teams look hungover. Too much Essen Haus, perhaps?

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Who would win in arm wrestling, Bielema or Zook? I've got a fiver on Zook.

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You guys don't need me to tell you this, but Jason Ford is good. You remember Jason Ford. He twice committed to Iowa before visiting Illinois and zommitting to the Zooker. I have to say, it looks like he made the right choice for him.

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92-yard drive for the Illini. Good-looking drive. Good-looking team.

Indiana is leading 7-3. I don't see that lasting.

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Yep, too much Essen Haus for Badgers' special teams.

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And Travis Beckum, too much Essen Haus. That was his second drop and it was a killer.

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Last two commercials: Lawrence Taylor pimping for a video game. I think he thinks he's still playing, at least in his head. Then, the Brooke Shields VW pregnant ladies commercial. Weird, wild stuff.

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Badgers' first down at Illini 44. Sort of important possession here.

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Wisconsin Wife, all jacked up on "cider," just spiked my laptop. 10-7 Badgers, 3:25 in first half.

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Again, too much Essen Haus for Badgers' special teams. "Phillip der Stein!!!!"

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Another good FG kicker in the Big Ten. 10-10.

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Finally found the Gophers on ESPN Classic. Not a lot of production value to ESPN Classic telecasts. I think this is what the new Seth Rogen film, "Zack and Miri make a Porno," is going for.

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Wow, the Essen Haus gag is getting less and less funny for Badgers' special teams.

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10-10 at halftime. Texas Tech 35-14. I picture Mike Leach as Montgomery Burns, "Release the hounds."

14-9 Indiana. Won't stand.

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Just got tired walking up stairs. I live in a ranch-style home. I might have to build in a workout. I can watch football from the elliptical. I thought that far ahead.

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Why are stiffarms not called facemasking? It's a flaw in football logic.

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Juice is in the running for my all-Big Ten QB (if I get a vote this year). It's between him and Daryl Clark. Clark might be tough to beat.

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Wisconsin secondary -- you know where I'm going -- spent halftime at the Essen Haus.

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Did you guys hear that dude say Illinois has played 14 true frosh this year? Wow!!!

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Nice fumble, Kory Sheets. I wonder if Curtis Painter gets all up in his grill.

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Beckum just made a catch for a first down and took a big hit. The big hitter celebrated the hit totally blowing through the fact that Beckum MADE THE FIRST DOWN. I'm all for enthusiasm, but brains count, too.

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Gilreath is an explosive game-changer. He almost went to Iowa. I think it was final two.

Man, Purdue looks great and then looks lost all on the same play.

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Illinois receiver stops, hangs Juice out to dry.

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Indiana, 21-12. Won't stick.

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From Illinois' game notes:

"During his offseason vacation, Ron Zook spent two days on the USS John C. Stennis aircraft carrier, during its training mission. It had been a dream of Zook's to land and take off from a carrier. While on the ship, Zook saw and studied the similarities of the military and college football with its attention to teamwork and detail."

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 Purdue's defense is showing up, particularly the PU front four.

Indiana now 21-19. Fading, fading.

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Looks like no liveblog next week. (Probably won't be time, anyway. A 2:30 game is pretty much deadline writing these days.)

LIVE IN-GAME BLOGGING AND ELECTRONIC TRANSMITIONS

Media Agencies and Representatives shall not transmit or display any video, audio, pictures. photographs or other non-text based accounts or descriptions of the Event or any text-based accounts or descriptions of the Event (including without limitation, any web log, blog, online journal or other web-based publication) in any media while the Event or live network presentation of the Event is in progress, except with the advance written permission of the University of Illinois DIA.

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Third pick from Juice. Not his fault, but this is the kind of thing that gets you beat, right Iowa fans?

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Badgers lead, 20-17, with 12 minutes left. Purdue can't get over the hump vs. Minny, trailing 10-6 with 11 minutes left. Indiana hanging on, but it won't last.

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Minny QB Adam Weber is stone cold. Third-and-9, throws a strike for a first down. If the Gophers win here, they're more than for real.

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Gophers go for the kill, 17-6 with 6:14 left. Mike Dunbar, UNI's former HC, is the Gophers' OC. Weber is firing on all cylinders. This would be a huge road win. I know Purdue is down, but it's still a tough out, especially at West Lafayette.

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Wow, Dustin Sherer, is that you?

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Indiana pick with 4:03 left. Bacher threw off back leg and is limping. We have an upset alert. Someone call the Hlist.

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Flag on UW third-and-1, holding UW. They had first-and-goal.

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Third-and-11 draw. They're cheating off Ken O'Keefe's test in Madison.

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TD, Sherer to Gilreath, who caught it sliding on his backside. Badgers up, 27-17, with 3:48 left. I wish I could cover games with a DVR.

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I'm starting to believe Indiana might win. It looks like second-and-shortish with 2:28 left. Indiana ball inside NU territory.

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Final timeout for NU. Can someone from Big Ten Network graphics update the down and distance here?

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Oh, IU just opened the door. Punting away with 2:17 left. I don't think Bacher is going in. He's got a hamstring. Backup QB Mike Kafka in, first down NU at its 20 with 2:10 left.

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Greg Middleton was sacking Kafka. Kafka threw the ball backwards, a lateral losing 25 yards to NU's 5 with 1:39 left. Whoops, under review.

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The Gophers will climb to 7-1, 3-1 in the Big Ten with a 17-6 victory at Purdue, which will drop to 2-6, 0-4.

The Gophers are No. 24 in the country.

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Greg Middleton two huge sacks, Kafka fumble, Indiana (3-5, 1-4) taking a knee against No. 22 NU (6-2, 2-2).

I think NU is the one that still has the Hawkeyes talking to themselves.

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Wisconsin's Langford just got away with an all-time pass interference that I'm not sure was catchable.

If Bucky's score holds -- 27-17 with 2:16 left, Badgers' ball -- Illinois will go into next week's meeting with the Hawkeyes at 4-4, 2-3 and losses in two of its last three games.

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Mike Leach is C. Montgomery Burns. It's TT 63, Kansas 14 and looking forward to hoops.

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Badgers will win. Bielema and his windbreaker are hot once again.

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Dustin Sherer will get votes for Big Ten offensive player of the week. He was the better QB today, doing a 180 from last week in Iowa City.

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Alright, I've got to go interview someone right now.

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Wow, Dantonio showed me something on that fourth down. This is an exorcism for Michigan State, which now has the inside track to the Outback Bowl.

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The Ol' Double Fullback fools them everytime.

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I like Dantonio. He strikes the right emotional note here. He's not too far over the top but he is enjoying it.

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Michigan falls to 2-6, one more loss from being knocked out of a bowl since . . . I dunno. Long time.

It'll get better, Stew. You know that.

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OK, the Cy-Hawk Trophy totally sucks, but the Paul Bunyan Trophy is just crreeeeeeeepy.

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From the "Would, Coulda, Shoulda" department: If you guys can avoid it, don't check the Rutgers-Pitt score. You'll pull your hair out. For the stout out there, it's 3-5 Rutgers 54, Iowa-beating Pitt 34. Rutgers QB threw for 361.

That one-point loss might be the difference between Florida and not-Florida for the Hawkeyes.

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Must work out. I've eaten my weight in cookie-based product today.

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Oh wait, "Golden Girls" re-run. Finally, something that speaks to me.

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Cyclones up 7-0 with 10:47 left in the first. Two-yarder for Alexander Robinson.

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Kinard Banks makes open-field tackle and draws the clip. Awesome play.

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Wow, Kinard Banks totally burnt on that, 7-7, on the 35-yard TD pass. Easy come, easy go.

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Palin killed the Blues' goalie? I missed that. That's a tough break, Joe, eh?

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I lied. I couldn't not watch the magnificent Blackhawks. But I'm doing a four flip thing. Blackhawks, Iowa State, UM-UW hockey and the Ohio State-Penn State game.

Iowa State, ouch.

Badgers hockey, ouch. (BTW, I follow UW hockey because I went to a game before the Hawkeyes beat Barry on his swan song. Had a great time. Badgers won 5-2 and everyone got free custard from Culvers. You cannot beat that.)

OSU-PSU has been brilliant. Fighting for every inch.

Blackhawks have been brilliant.

My one regret from a day immersed in sports, missing the Texas-Okie State game.

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Oh, Terrelle Pryor . . . that's just bad luck. Maybe Brent Musburger will pick up on Daryl Clark being out.

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The OSU-PSU is getting very interesting. Devlin in for Clark. Third-and-2 at OSU's 6.

First and goal, Royster.

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All that stuff I wrote about the Blackhawks being good, disregard. 4-4 in the third. Man, the Wings are good.

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PSU DE Aaron Maybin is like a puma out there. He really reminds me of Leroy Smith.

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Blackhawks suck. I don't know any other way to put it.

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Herby just said that "Iowa could give Penn State a game," but he thinks PSU runs the table and plays for the national title, mostly on the strength of Joe Paterno's stature. That could happen, easily.

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Penn State takes a bye week and then goes @Iowa, Indiana and Michigan State.

Herby was right. The Lions' toughest remaining game is in Iowa City on Nov. 8.

Get your tickets now.

I'd better go upstairs, see if I'm still married.