The masters of the Masters get things done

AUGUSTA, Ga. - I expected the Masters' official comment on the unearthed transgressions of Tiger Woods to basically be a no-comment.

Instead, it was a comment. Oh, was it a comment.

This is what Masters chairman Billy Payne said here Wednesday:

“As he ascended in our rankings of the world's great golfers, he became an example to our kids that success is directly attributable to hard work and effort.

“But as he says now himself, he forgot in the process to remember that with fame and fortune comes responsibility, not invisibility. It is not simply the degree of his conduct that is so egregious here; it is the fact that he disappointed all of us, and more importantly, our kids and our grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children.”

That was cool to hear. Although, I would respectfully disagree with Chairman Payne on part of it.

Responsible parents might encourage their children to base their heroes based on actual heroic behavior, not sheer athletic skills. But since Payne is coming at this as the face of Augusta National Golf Club, his perspective is fully understandable.

Later in his annual press conference, Payne was asked if the club hoped Woods wouldn't make his return to golf there, and possibly overshadow the Masters.

“We don't look at things that way,” Payne said. “We are very secure in who we are, and the Masters has almost now a 74-year history.

“We just kind of do things our way. We are not threatened by big news stories or things like that.”

That was cool to hear, too. When I first came here five years ago, I wasn't sure I'd like this place. I know that's heresy on top of more heresy to golf-lovers who see Augusta as one big green slice of heaven.

However, it's my nature to be wary of super-rich guys who are what Tom Wolfe called Masters of the Universe. Mainly because I'm not one.

The fact Augusta National still has no female members strikes me as odd. But I wonder if now that's more from refusing to be told what to do by outsiders rather than not wanting to do it.

I do like the way these masters of the Masters run a golf tournament. Everything seems designed to benefit the players, those who attend the tournament, those who watch it on television, and those who watch it on their computer screens or phones.

During the eight hours of television coverage on Saturday and Sunday of the 2009 Masters, only 36 minutes were devoted to commercials. Which, coincidentally, was the average length of a timeout in the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

Other than the players' clothing and golf bags, there isn't a single piece of commercial signage on the grounds of Augusta National. The dogwoods and azaleas aren't adorned with corporate logos of the official malt liquor or ballpeen hammer of the Masters.

The first golf tourney to be broadcast in high-definition was the Masters. In 1993!

Wednesday, the Masters let me watch some of ESPN's coverage of the Masters' Par 3 Contest in 3D television. It was the first live 3D telecast ever. It may have wrecked HD for me forever.

The place where I parked my car here a year ago is now part of an 18-acre, 400-yard driving range with two distinct contoured fairways.

In nine months, they moved 125,000 yards of dirt. They brought in 16 acres of sod, and installed 2,000 extra trees and plants.

“They've got so much money here they probably flew those trees in,” someone told me Tuesday.

To golf devotees, it was the opposite of the old Joni Mitchell song. They un-paved a parking lot and put in a paradise.

Why? Just so Masters players had a better practice facility that more closely resembled the golf course here. The members here must still use the old practice area.

Payne called the new facility part of “an uncompromising belief in the concept of perpetual improvement.”

To think I get giddy when a pothole on my street gets filled.