Sports stuff you need to think about right now

People, what we have here is a failure to communicate. Not us, of course, but them. You know who they are. They say dumb things, pointless things, things that don't respect your intelligence and our language.

So here are some ground rules:

Calling any group of fans "the best fans in the country" is hereby forbidden.

First, how is this quantified? The best-educated? The best-dressed? The best-groomed? The Best in Show?

What sets apart fans from one team or school from another? Don't they all cheer for their teams pretty much the same ways? Now if a group of fans cured a disease each time it let out a cheer, I'd have to call them the best fans in the world, let alone the country.

Last month, Texas-El Paso women's soccer coach Kevin Cross said "We have the best fans in the country."

Earlier this year, BYU women's soccer coach Jennifer Rockwood said the exact same thing.

Last week, Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn said his city has the best fans in the country.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck said his team has the best fans in the country, the classiest.

Last Saturday, Iowa assistant football coach Brian Ferentz tweeted "The best fans in the country and there is no question!" about Hawkeyes supporters.

Apparently there is.

Any player who barks about not getting respect should get none.

Respect is defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. In other words, it's earned.

When you tell us you or your team isn't getting respected, there is probably a good reason why that's been the case. Of course, it's always highly unlikely that your team was getting disrespected in the first place, so just humbly say "We're taking it one game a time," and then run away from any recording devices.

"Just sayin' " is redundant and dumb.

Where did this awful phrase come from? It has joined "It is what it is" as the most-popular meaningless statement in American life.

Of course you're just sayin'. You're the one who just said it!

It's like when someone replies to something you say with "Well, that's your opinion." Of course it is. You're the one who said it.

I think I stole that from Sheldon Cooper of "The Big Bang Theory." He's very smart, you know.

"On the season" and "on the year" are staples of lazy sportscasting or sports writing.

Anytown USA won tonight to improve to 7-2 on the season. It also improved to 7-2.

What, are there people who need "on the season" tacked on in order to differentiate a team's record from "on the millennium?"

In football broadcasting, the phrase "It depends on the spot" is the equivalent of a broadcaster  saying "It depends on how the votes were cast." on Election Day.

Yes, plays that end up appearing to be very close to a first-down do depend on the spot. They always have. Perhaps they always will.

Thanks for reminding us, though, in case we were coming off a terrible bout of amnesia and forgot every elementary thing we knew about football.

"He runs north and south" and "He runs downhill" also need to be stricken from the football vernacular.

Instead, how about "He runs straight ahead?" You know, like ballcarriers have been doing since football was invented.

The Georgia Dome has east and west end zones. Players who run north and south there are pretty much doomed.

As for running downhill, there needs to be an investigation any time that happens, since football fields are not supposed to be sloped. I'm not going to assume human growth hormones are involved, but it's hard not to be suspicious.

"Said no one ever" might have been clever the first time it was used, but even that is arguable.

It's a common end to tweets and such. "John Doe is a great quarterback, said no one ever." It's sarcastic, yet witless.

Besides, you can't say "said no one ever" after you said something, because you just said it.

When you say "Said no one ever," you're saying you speak for no one, ever. Which is probably the truth.