Pretending to be Bryan Bulaga during the NFL draft

It's fun to pretend. Thursday night I gained 140 pounds, six inches in height, and a lot more in the bank account. I was Bryan Bulaga, and it was a long night. Here is my diary:

We all knew I wasn't going to be taken in the first four picks. Which wasn't all bad, because it gave me time for the two steaks, the roasted chicken, the four baked potatoes and the entire New York cheesecake I ate Thursday to settle before I got to Radio City Music Hall for the draft.

(AP photo)

Defensive tackles Ndamukong Suh and Gerald McCoy just went second and third, and I was happy for them. I was with them and two other players Wednesday morning to ring the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

The Dow Jones went up 7.86 points Wednesday. We celebrated by dumping a bucket of Gatorade on some poor broker on the trading floor.

Washington spent the No. 4 pick on an, uh, offensive tackle. Dan Williams of Oklahoma. That was as predicted, but you hope some of these mock drafts are wrong.

Anyway, things got serious with the No. 5 pick. Kansas City had it. Very few people speculated the Chiefs would take me. One who did was Peter King at Sports Illustrated's website. This is what he said:

Sinking on most boards, but GM (Scott) Pioli sees meat-and-potatoes left tackle for a decade.

His wasn't the mock draft I wanted to be wrong. The Chiefs took Tennessee safety Eric Berry instead. But next up was Seattle, and everybody said the Seahawks would take an offensive tackle. Everybody.

They were right. It was Russell Okung of Oklahoma State. Mel Kiper Jr. called him the best offensive tackle in the draft. He called Okung the most intense offensive tackle you'll ever see. If I wasn't a mild-mannered guy off the field, I'd have pancake-blocked that hairdo Kiper tonight.

Cleveland at No. 7? No. That's not all bad.

Oakland at No. 8? No. That's not all bad.

OK, here comes Buffalo. A perfect place for a quiet guy like me.

But the Bills took running back C.J. Spiller, and Chris Berman said it was a team that needed excitement. Why didn't they just snap into a Slim Jim? Good luck finding some blocking on that team, little Spiller.

Jacksonville took some defensive tackle at No. 10. Denver just made a trade with San Francisco, and the 49ers pick next. Is it time for my close-up?

With the 11th pick in the 2010 draft, the 49ers have taken an offensive tackle. Anthony Davis of Rutgers.

They traded up to skip past me? To relieve some frustration, I just wandered out onto Sixth Avenue here and bench-pressed a taxi.

Philadelphia took Michigan defensive end Brandon Graham at No. 13. He had two sacks and nine tackles against us last year. ESPN's Jon Gruden just said Graham beat me up.

I apologize to all Hawkeye fans. We only scored 30 points and gained 364 yards that night in that win.

Deion Sanders just interviewed me on the NFL Network. I guess Tracy Morgan wasn't available.

Derrick Morgan of Georgia Tech? To Tennessee at No. 16? Did anyone watch the Orange Bowl? Did that guy do anything against us? I wasn't coming back from a thyroid condition that night like I was when we played Michigan.

My agent is Tom Condon. He has represented Peyton and Eli Manning. So I'll be OK tonight no matter what happens.

There goes 17, 18, 19, 20. I hate mock drafts.

And now at No. 22 is another Georgia Tech player? A receiver? Their whole team completed one pass against us in the Orange Bowl!

Was it something I said at the Combine? Something I didn't say?

Green Bay is up now, at No. 23. I'm a lifelong Bears fan from a Chicago suburb. I'm willing to change my ways.

The phone call is for me.  Burn that Bears stuff, family of mine. I'm going to Green Bay. There are a lot of teams I can't wait to line up against.