Every dollar matters in college sports - even at Ohio State

I missed out, and I'm not happy about it. I could have spent Saturday this Saturday as an honorary Ohio State assistant football coach.

In this economic downturn, I guess I just couldn't see forking over precious cash in an auction for the privilege of being on the sideline for Ohio State's spring game Saturday.

See, there was an auction. It ended Tuesday afternoon. The highest bidder bought the opportunity to watch the Buckeyes' spring game Saturday from the sidelines, with headset optional.

I could have joined the visiting team -- whatever that means -- in the locker room during halftime and after the game to listen to comments from the coaching staff.

I could also have received a coaches sideline shirt to wear on the sideline, and I could have met with head coach Jim Tressel before the game.

Here's what is a little shocking: The winning bid was "only" $2,600. You figure out of all those rabid, big-buck Buckeye fans, someone would foam at the mouth and empty out a Swiss bank account to be a hanger-on for a day in the Horseshoe.

Maybe Ohio State fans have their money spread too thin. The OSU athletic department has all sorts of things up for auction. To get a Buckeyes football media guide of 2009, with Tressel's autograph, the top bid at the time I wrote this was $75.

Seventy-five bucks for a $10 book. But yours would be the first one off the press.

Autographed football jerseys, autographed hockey sticks and pucks, a chunk of Ohio Stadium concrete (hopefully not an essential chunk) -- they're up for bids right now.

Funds raised go directly to benefit Ohio State student-athletes, whatever that means.

Folks, this isn't Poor Sister State University. This is The Ohio State University, with an annual athletic budget of over $110 million.

It's also a program that finds itself in the red, and the economy isn't getting better.

This auction thing, this is nothing. Spit in the ocean. It's going to be very interesting to see how creative athletic programs around the country get to try to shake what's left on barren money-trees.

Putting some red-hot fan in a coach's shirt and letting him eaves-drop on "halftime adjustments" during a spring game is a cute idea, about $2,600 worth.

What these athletic directors and their staffs must do, however, is be about as creative as Mozart or Shakespeare or The Onion.

But back to this auction deal. What would you most like to see put up for bids by your favorite school's athletic program, be it stuff or an experience?