Dealing with change when at life’s crossroads

Ever find yourself in a place in life where everything is changing and the options are wide open?

For some of us, that sounds like a dream come true. For those who just went into a panic attack, it’s OK. Pause and breathe and then come back to me.

When my son was 3 or so, one of his caregivers asked if she could take him to Toys R Us and let him pick out a present. With my permission, she told him he could get anything he wanted in the whole store. She said he looked around wide-eyed for a moment and then headed for the bin where they were selling those great big plastic balls for a buck apiece.

My son did what many of us do when faced with unlimited choices — he went with what was familiar. He went with what he knew in that moment and didn’t explore other options.

As a 3-year-old, this made tremendous sense to me. His caregiver ended up also buying him a tabletop pool set as a token of their many games of “poolball” at her home, and he loved that, too. But it wasn’t what he thought of first in that moment of overwhelm.

Unlimited options

I find myself in my e-year old son’s shoes today. Faced with almost unlimited options for what I can do next with my life. And it is, oh, so tempting to do exactly what he did with the Big Plastic Ball and go with what feels most familiar in this moment.

Let me set the stage.

I am a recent widow, my son is about to turn 18 and graduate from high school and then head off to college. The company I work for recently was acquired, and I am not guaranteed a position in the new organization. I have a base income through survivor benefits since my husband was an active duty service member.

Nothing about my life has to be anything in order to take care of anyone as I look to the end of this year.

Exciting times. And potentially scary for me as a professional and a human. But let’s focus on where I land as a leader and how I got here.

At a crossroads

First, I understand the immense privilege I have to be in this position … and despise that I am here without my husband. That part of this is a mixed bag. I feel like I need to acknowledge that part with you all. Because not everyone has these options.

However, I think the questions I am asking myself are helpful to any leader at a crossroads in their professional life.

First, what do I want? A simple, but not easy question to answer sometimes. Do I want to go back to work as a training and leadership development professional in another organization? Do I want to find another organization and build the training department again? I seem to be really good at that so it would make sense.

Alternatively, I could seize this time to pursue finishing my book, ghost writing the book I was asked to ghost write, restart my podcast, add more adjunct professor work and open up my coaching books again. My heart wants this.

The second question I am asking myself is around logistics. What do I need to make either route happen? And supporting that question is whether I am willing to do it.

These are the questions I am exploring with my coach, my therapist, my journal, and my meditations. What do I want. and what do I need to make it happen? Simple, but not easy, right?

Life rarely is, my friends.

However, these are the best two questions I have found to get to the heart of my biggest decisions.

I do love those big, shiny plastic balls. But maybe, just maybe, it is time to allow the tabletop pool table to come into my life. Dangerous Leaders don’t let the familiar distract us from what we want.

Live Dangerously, Be You.

Jennifer Smith is a Cedar Rapids-based personal and executive coach, host of The Dangerous Leader Podcast, and unapologetic optimist. Comments: jennifer@dangerousleader.com; @drjennsmith