Best leaders know how to say yes

Dangerous leaders do one thing better than others, and that is to say yes. This is in contrast with the oft-touted idea of saying no and setting boundaries. When it comes to leading, learning and building from experiences, what if you say yes rather than battling whatever it is you need to keep out? The curiosity that dangerous leaders cultivate keeps them focused on these three forward-looking behaviors.

1. Exercise critical thinking. Critical thinking allows you to think about how you are thinking. It comes with the bonus attribute of using that reflection to improve your thinking. The Foundation for Critical Thinking offers us the idea that we have eight elements of thought that are continuously at work while we attend to an idea. These processes are going to happen whether we are conscious of them or not. Thinking about your thinking, with a focus on improving it, allows you to train your thoughts to find the yes in the situation.

2. Know your values. Our personal values and values as a leader are best executed when they are aligned. You are you. Be you in all roles. Use these values to say yes to experiences, people, opportunities and perspectives that broaden your awareness of possibility in any situation. Seeing possibility allows for the exploration of yes.

3. Pause when agitated. Just like no one has ever calmed down in the history of being told to calm down, this isn’t an easy one. My favorite simple technique is to count down from five when I find anxiety in any form gripping me. When I am anxious or agitated, I am more likely to grab the first reasonable idea that comes forward just to get out of the situation. When I pause, I give myself the opportunity to think critically and then align to my values.

Leadership isn’t a solo sport. We lead in relation to people who have their own independent minds, ideas and ways they want to hear yes. This is sometimes portrayed as finding a win-win. That is yes language.

Yes language is about finding out what yes looks like for the parties involved. It is collaborative discussions instead of power struggles. It is working with someone instead of telling them what to do. Yes language is understanding others and letting them understand you. It requires curiosity and investment in self. It requires a dangerous leader to step in and lead as their most authentic, empowered, confident, curious self.

The no mindset says I am constantly on guard against the threats. The yes language says I am assessing my environment and acting in response or anticipation of what is happening. The yes language approach doesn’t assume good or bad encounters, it assumes encounters and deals with each as they arrive.

Dangerous leaders are dangerously good at constructing an environment where possibility is prolific, curiosity is contagious, and yes is always the word of the day. As you move into the workweek ahead, consider where getting to yes can become the dominant approach. Ask yourself, “how do I get to ‘yes’ here?” and then work with those you lead with to get there.

Jennifer Smith is a Cedar Rapids-based personal and executive coach, host of The Dangerous Leader Podcast, and unapologetic optimist; jennifer@dangerousleader.com; @drjennsmith