404 Not Found: Star Trek versus current tech

One of the problems with being a fan of gadgets and gizmos is that science fiction is always two steps ahead.

I spent most of my childhood in severe gadget envy of Luke Skywalker's droid companions, K-9 on “Doctor Who” and even the book-computer carried by Penny in the cartoon “Inspector Gadget.”

But current technology is starting to catch up with one of my favorite gadgets from “Star Trek,” the Starfleet combadge.

I fell in love with the combadge the first time I saw it at the age of 10. It clung to the chests of the characters without needing to be pinned or fastened in any way, and just a tap put them in touch with anyone on the show.

It could even track characters throughout the ship. One of the most tense moments on the show was when Commander Riker asks the ship's computer to locate Captain Picard, only to have the emotionless female voice inform him that “Captain Picard is not on board the Enterprise.” Cut to commercial.

Despite the lack of an automatic alarm for spontaneous officer disappearances, this was a big idea in 1987. Cellphones existed, but the combadge was more than a simple communicator.

It was important enough to be worn out of necessity, the same way people wear pants (or one-piece spandex jumpsuits in Star Trek's case).

Not such a strange idea anymore.

I have a communication device I keep attached to my chest as well. OK, it's not attached to anything, it's just resting in my left breast pocket.

But fictional magnet tech aside, I think my smartphone is close to topping the combadge.

This is valuable consumer advice: How does my real phone stack up against Patrick Stewart's fictional chestphone? I benchmarked the two using information from Memory-Alpha.org, a fan-run Star Trek wiki.

Range - Winner: combadge

The standard issue Starfleet combadge has an independent range of 5,000 kilometers, assuming there is no starship to boost the signal. My phone has an independent range of 0 kilometers, assuming there's no network to boost the signal.

Power - Winner: combadge

The combadge never ran out of batteries on the show. My phone has to be charged once a day, more if I've been playing Angry Birds in line at the bank.

Information access - Winner: smartphone

The Enterprise computer could communicate info to the crew through the badge, but that was like having Siri read the phone book aloud. This is a case where old-fashioned is best - I can get information faster and quicker by typing and reading.

Apps - Winner: smartphone

I don't ever remember reading “Jean-Luc Picard has checked in at Borg Cube 2934.”

Value - Winner: smartphone

My phone costs about $100 a month in network fees, while “Star Trek” takes place in a Utopian society that has evolved beyond the use of currency. So what do they know about saving money?

The two are close enough that I think it's time for our science fiction writers to be more ambitious.

And if Samsung could go ahead and release R2-D2 to the public, that would be great.