Experts offer advice for handling grief during holidays

In the last few years, the Rev. Jan Burback has lost her husband, mother and a sister. She knows how hard the holidays can be for those who are experiencing grief.

She's spent several years working with hospice agencies helping families cope with grief, and has led several GriefShare courses in recent years. Getting grieving people together to talk about their loved one, their feelings and their progress is an important step in coping with grief, she said.

“This is a very rough time for a lot of people,” said Burback, who is now a grief consultant with Murdoch Funeral Homes. “It's nice to know you're not alone.”

Holidays are especially hard for those going through the grieving process, she said, because they're a time when families and friends are usually together and when those not experiencing grief often “put aside” those who are.

“I'm seeing a lot of people dealing with tragic losses and they have no one to talk to,” Burback said. “People are uncomfortable talking about it so they don't talk about it at all.”

The busyness of the holidays, too, takes away any support that may be there.

“People just get really wrapped up in all that's going on that they kind of forget what this person or that person is going through,” she said.

Burback and other GriefShare leaders worked together to offer a special “Surviving the Holidays” session earlier this month, and Burback is addressing the issue through her church, First Church of the Open Bible, as well.

Through her GriefShare courses, Burback offers those who are experiencing grief to share with others who have similar stories, or similar losses. Those courses help strengthen the participants, she said, and let them see they're not alone.

“There's really a lot of unnecessary suffering that people go through, and it doesn't have to be this hard all the time,” she said. “We can make a choice to get better.”

Making that choice involves making some changes, according to www.griefnet.com, an Internet source for those experiencing grief. Counselors there acknowledge the difficulty of the holidays but offer suggestions to help people make it through, including volunteering for others, such as at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, allow people to comfort you and don't be afraid to talk about your loss.

“Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations, hang a stocking for your loved one in which others can put notes with their thoughts or feelings,” the counselors suggest.