Biden, refusing to resign, is no hero

In an episode from the final season of one of TV’s greatest and most timeless shows, The Golden Girls, simple-minded character Rose gets a dog that has a penchant for stealing slippers. After he locates a slipper buried deep in a closet, Rose remarks about how her amazing dog can find anything.

“Anything?” says Sophia, the sassy old lady.

Sophia then looks at the dog and points to the door.

“A viable Democrat for president,” she commands. “Go!”

That episode aired on Feb. 8, 1992. At the time, the White House had been in Republican hands for three terms in a row. But the fictional Sophia’s wish was about to be granted in real life. The race for the Democratic nomination to challenge President George H.W. Bush would heat up 10 days after that episode aired, when then-Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton, aided by his wife and his tireless political team, saved his flailing campaign from the brink of death and surged to a second-place finish in the New Hampshire Democratic primary.

History tells us that Clinton, a master in the art of engaging voters through retail politics, ended up a pretty viable Democrat for president.

Panicked Democrats were on the hunt for a viable presidential candidate last month. The frenzy began at about 8:30 p.m. CDT on June 27, about a half hour after President Joe Biden, the party’s presumed nominee, floundered during the first debate of the 2024 presidential campaign. (The specific time is just a guess. Some Democrats were probably ready to sound the alarm after five minutes.)

Last Sunday, President Joe Biden announced in a letter that he was withdrawing from the 2024 presidential race. The letter, which literally placed the interest of Biden’s party before that of his country, did not specify his reason for stepping away. Nor did he elaborate in a televised address to the nation last Wednesday night. White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre hinted Thursday that Biden may not yet have told the whole story about why he dropped out of the race.

It doesn’t matter if more information comes later. We all know the reason. Joe Biden can’t win in November. Kamala Harris is not enough to help him across the finish line, and Democrats are desperate not to lose.

Republicans, moderates and even some Democrats (the latter at no more than a whisper) have mused that Biden himself didn’t find out that he’d left the race until the rest of us did. That’s a joke, of course, but sometimes the most effective jokes are the ones that imply a hint of truth.

Right up until he left the race, Biden was adamant that he … well, wasn’t going to leave the race, telling ABC’s George Stephanopoulos that he would only stand down if “the Lord Almighty comes down” and told him to.

“I’m a Christian, maybe God talked to him,” said Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana on Fox News. “But I think it’s equally probable that God’s voice sounded suspiciously like Barack Obama’s, who told President Biden if he didn’t get out and let Vice President Harris run, that President Barack Obama was going to destroy President Biden.”

For a moment or two, I had a wild theory that Obama could have been the one to help Biden stay in the race and still win. My brilliant solution for Democrats wasn’t to replace Biden at the top of the ticket, but to replace Kamala Harris as the running mate with a candidate guaranteed to carry the blue ticket across the finish line: Obama himself.

Yes, it’s crazy. Were it constitutional, however, it would have been a genius way for both Biden and the Democrats to survive 2024. Biden wouldn’t necessarily need to appear capable or even coherent, he would just need to appear alive long enough to make it past Election Day so the real guy that the voters were going for could waltz in and save the day.

Picture it: Obama makes a grand public announcement. He begins by saying that the mission he and Joe Biden took on in 2008 of fundamentally transforming the United States of America was the most important work of its time, but now that work is in danger of being lost to Big Bad Orange and the ultra-MAGA extremists. Then he prodigiously declares that he’s rejoining the team, this time as vice president, with Joe remaining at the head of government.

“Joe Biden will save democracy from Donald Trump,” he would say, “and I will be right behind him in the fight.”

We would all know what that actually means: Joe can’t win, and Kamala can’t carry him, so I’ll step in as Democrats’ saving grace. Joe was never the “ bridge” that he promised to be, so I will be the bridge to keeps Democrats from drowning and take over after he resigns or croaks — because I know not to underestimate Joe’s ability to f*** things up.

(That last line paraphrases a quote attributed to Obama about his vice president.)

Admit it: Some of you, dear readers, wouldn’t mind my idea at all, no matter how ridiculous the mere thought of it is. And yes, it is ridiculous, but … so much of this election cycle has been ridiculous.

I mean, think about it. The side professing to “back the Blue” officially nominates a candidate who has 34 felony convictions. The “do not prosecute this long list of crimes” side scrambles to line up behind a career prosecutor who once blocked the collection of DNA evidence that could potentially exonerate a man on death row. What’s next? Some guy who claims that a worm ate part of his brain files to run as an independent candidate and pulls support from both sides? Ope, never mind. That box has been checked, too.

Though it’s never actually been tested (and God help us if it ever is,) my crackpot idea is almost certainly spoiled by the 12th Amendment to the Constitution, which ends with, “But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice President of the United States.” If your eyes were starting to gleam at the idea of a third Obama term, I’ll acknowledge having rained on your parade.

Barely a month ago, I mused in a column written only hours after Biden’s embarrassing debate debacle that I would “at least ponder a theory” that campaign insiders purposely pushed him out in front of the world to crash and burn like he did in order to horrify the entire Democrat machine into coming up with an exigency plan to replace him.

Granted, that crosses into the realm of conspiracy theory. But sometimes the most effective conspiracy theories are the ones that imply a hint of truth.

True or not, it’s exactly what happened. Biden took the debate podium and his prospects took a nose-dive. The Democratic machine gasped in horror, the media went nuts, and the dominoes began to fall, slowly at first, then faster and faster until the guys with deep pockets slammed their wallets shut. The Washington Post reported that some donors had even adopted a slogan: “No more dough until no more Joe.”

So he’s finally bowed out of the race. He’s crowned a nominee to succeed him. Democrat delegates have fallen all over themselves to fall in line behind her. The Obamas, albeit with some delay, have endorsed Kamala Harris to be the Democrats’ nominee. Crisis avoided? Possibly — but best to let the Democrat party conclude its honeymoon phase with Harris, who tried to run for president herself in 2020 Democratic primary but failed to outlast the year 2019.

Time will tell if Harris’ newfound momentum continues or if it comes to a screeching halt when she has to start owning up to her past positions like a fracking ban. (Pennsylvania’s going to love that.) She’ll also have to defend her abysmal record in charge of addressing and fixing the flow of illegal migration across the U.S. southern border, a task at which she has badly failed.

Aside from all that, there remains quite a serious problem.

“Biden is holed up,” said a friend of mine the other day.

“Kamala’s out campaigning,” she continued hesitantly.

“When do they …” she trailed off.

“Run the country?” I supplied.

“Yeah!” she responded.

“Good heckin’ question.”

As I’ve already stated, it doesn’t matter that Joe Biden never gave a specific reason for dropping out of the race. The Democrat party has declared him unfit. By caving to their demands, Biden himself acknowledges the same: he is unfit.

And yet, this unfit man clings to the presidency — refusing to resign; refusing his intended successor her guaranteed succession as the historic first female president of the United States.

It’s almost as if Biden and the same Democrats who are squeezing him out don’t actually want American voters to see how Kamala Harris would function as president before they cast their ballots.

Joe Biden is no hero. He is not brave for stepping aside. He has not fallen on his sword for his country. He will never go down in history as one of our better presidents, or even a good one at all. By clinging to power while the rest of the world gapes at our weakness, Joe Biden joins the likes of Woodrow Wilson as a president who expired long before his term did the same.

Comments: 319-398-8266; althea.cole@thegazette.com