ChetChase 2010 - The Week

Iowa's campaign for governor, where rubbin's racin'

1. Meeting Yields Multiple Issues for Terry Tap Tap-- It's been eons since gubernatorial explorer Terry Branstad's closed-door sitdown late last month with Iowa's top social conservative activists. It was apparently a disaster, and we're still picking through the debris.

How bad was it? Well, consider the various surviving narratives.

Area Retiree Puzzled by Internets -- Branstad didn't seem to fully understand that nowadays, "private meeting" means an event that yields multiple blog postings with sharp commentary and full audio of the proceedings. OTR? LOL.

Branstad has no idea what to do about the budget mess -- Asked if he has a plan for fixing the black hole jumble that is our state budget, Branstad said "OK, well, I don't." That's exactly what I would have said!

Branstad is insensitive to blind people -- The ex-four-term governor quipped that lawmakers failed to pass a government reorganization plan in 1986 involving the commission for the blind “because the Legislature just couldn't take the heat from the tap-tap-tap of the white canes.” Get it? Blind people use canes. State Democratic Party Chair Mike Kiernan, who, to be fair, has deafened people with shrillness, pounced on the little joke.

Branstad isn't conservative enough -- Branstad failed to show adequate outrage about gay marriage and had the stones to suggest that it's "not going to be a central issue" in his campaign. He suggested that Republicans "not wear our conservatism on our sleeve" and admitted to having associated with Doug Gross, a known GOP establishment type.

Conservative bloggers Shane Vander Hart and Mike Demastus were there and were decidedly unimpressed.

The problem here is that Branstad thought his experience, winning track record and electability would appeal to these folks. Good one. They could care less about winning. They're more interested in cleaning every last squishy moderate/RINO out of the party once and for all.

Talk the right talk Terry, or you're next.

So what will Branstad do? Will he stick to his guns and play it his way, win or lose? Oh, man, another good one. Stop it.

Nope, Branstad will change before our eyes. Here's what I think he'll do.

Announce that, if elected, he will issue an executive order making liberals illegal in Iowa. Top that BVP.

Second, he'll seek a constitutional amendment reconfiguring the supreme court as follows: 2 members from the state Republican central committee, 2 justices from the Iowa Family Policy Center, 2 seats from Iowa Right to Life, 2 seats auctioned off at a tea party and one spot for the winner of the Iowa Republican Presidential Straw Poll. That ought to take care of the reckless activism.

Third, he will give away thousands of long-sleeve campaign T-Shirts with "Conservatism" printed on the sleeves.

Fourth, he will not have another meeting like that, ever.

2. Rod Roberts Readies for Retention Rejection -- Republican candidate Rod Roberts says he won't vote in 2010 to retain three Iowa Supreme Court justices who gave marriage rights to gays and lesbians. And neither should you.

"We need to send a message to the Iowa Supreme Court that they are accountable to the people of Iowa," Roberts said in a statement. "The problem with judicial activism is that it thwarts the will of the legislature and of the people of Iowa. Next November, it is our duty as voters to let these justices know what we think of their judicial activism."

Now hold on a minute, I thought the marriage ruling was tyranny delivered by a pack of  non-elected judges. Now you're telling me that these judges can be voted out of office? This is confusing.

3. The Lt. Gov. is always the last to know -- Lt. Gov. Patty Judge told the Omaha World-Herald this week that she's pretty sure Gov. Chet Culver is going to run for re-election.

No "timetable" has been set. Two campaign ads are on the air, but that doesn't really mean anything. Officially.

“I am assuming he will run,” Judge said while visiting Council Bluffs. “I think everyone in Iowa would be surprised if he doesn't run. We haven't set a timetable yet.”

Reached for comment later, everybody in Iowa said, "Oh yeah, he's definitely running. I mean, come on, who are they kidding?"