Pants Free Parenting: Lessons on giving from a child’s perspective

A few weeks ago, my daughter and I were driving into Target and she saw a woman on the grass holding a baby and a sign. 'What does the sign say?” My daughter asked.

I told her that the woman was poor and needed food. My 4-year-old grabbed her few pennies she was holding in a sock. 'I have some she can have. Let's go!”

This was a parenting moment when my fear and worry and adult concerns rose up in me. Was I really just going to let my 4-year-old walk up to a stranger and hand her money? Was it safe? Was the woman safe? Was it even wise?

'Come on, mom.” My daughter pleaded from the back of the car. 'We can help. I have money.”

In her mind, life is a simple equation. If you can share, share. I know, because that's what we've taught her. Give to others. Accept your friends for who they are. Be kind. And here was a moment, when she wanted to do everything that we had taught her to do and I was afraid.

I pulled into the parking lot. 'Ok,” I said and together we walked over. I pulled some money out of my purse and handed it to my daughter to add to her warm handful of pennies and she raced over. 'Ma'am!” She cried, 'Here is some money!” She handed it to the lady who bent down to take it. As my daughter ran back, she said, 'We should find her again next week, I bet she will need more.”

I've thought a lot about that moment. My shame at my hesitancy. My daughter's boundless generosity that gives and gives. She makes pictures for babysitters and leaves piles of cut up tissue paper by my bed. 'Did you like the jewels I left you?” She will ask in the morning. 'I made them special for you.”

She recently gave her little brother a stuffed monkey from her vast larder. She named him Oo-Oo-Ahh-Ahh and her brother has slept with him every night, sobbing for his monkey if we forget.

But always I am brought back to that moment, of her little tutu-clad figure with arms outstretched, running right toward that woman. She smiled, she gave. For her it wasn't a burden or a charity it was pure joy.

I often roll my eyes at those, what I call 'email forward stories”-clearly made up tales of kids seeing Jesus or being more holy than their parents in any given moment. Kids can be cruel and frustrating. But there are moments when their radiant simplicity is overwhelming. This was one of those times. My daughter gave with happiness, without fear, without reservation. I want to give that way.

I wonder if it's no small coincidence that as we enter the holiday season we as a state are faced with a crisis of giving. Our governor recently decided to try and close our fields of opportunity to Syrian refugees. In the past, Iowa has been a home to the homeless. 1975 Republican governor Bob Ray set into motion programs that took in refugees from the Vietnam War. Our current governor is following a different path. He recently spoke of trying to close down our state to Syrian refugees, essentially changing our state motto from 'Fields of Opportunities” to 'Fields of opportunities that are accessible only if you are politically expedient.”

I know we worry about safety. About the wisdom of open arms and the vulnerability it brings. But those concerns deny the safety of the person we are shrinking from, the vulnerability of the person we are denying. My daughter was fine. Not only fine, but she made me better with her boundless openness. And I think we will be too if we can give that way.

l Lyz Lenz is a writer, mother of two and hater of pants. Email her at eclenz@gmail.com or find her writing at LyzLenz.com.