Changing the culture that surrounds sexual assaults and blame

By Kelli Shaffner

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Yes means yes, no means no.

Every person should be able to grasp the concept. They either gave consent or they didn't.

Although this is an easy and recognizable slogan against sexual assault, it is unfortunately just one of the countless misconceptions deterring communities from understanding sexualized violence. It continues a culture that writes off rape and dismisses victims.

So, what if it's not that simple - what if a person is pressured to say yes, but really means no?

Violence, especially sexual violence or assault, are crimes of power, control and fear. Offenders may use this fear, along with physical pain, threats of more severe injury, or weapons to elicit a target that cannot fight back or say “no.”

It is not consent if a victim is forced to say “yes,” or doesn't have the ability to say “no” or “stop.”

These misconceptions provoke societal pressures where victims must prove not only their own exploitation, but their own innocence. Even a Georgia state legislator (Bobby Franklin, R-Marietta) proposed a bill mandating domestic violence victims be called “accusers” until there is a conviction.

But false reporting is extremely rare (percentages are in the single digits). Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes at 60 percent; and 15 of 16 offenders won't serve any time, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.

So here's a better fact: We don't have to live in this kind of society.

There are many ways to stop the pervasive denial and ignorance of sexual violence. (The Rape Victim Advocacy Program has great ideas on their website.) But let's start with a few here: education and support.

It's imperative to understand why violence happens, and to learn about the long-term personal effects on the victim. Hearing from a survivor can be a life-altering experience.

The more a person knows and understands about sexual violence, the more equipped they'll be to speak out against the myths that are still thrown around casually - drunk and wearing a certain type of clothing? They were asking for it. Walking alone at night or agreed to go in the offender's room? They deserved it.

These sentiments only serve to minimize the offender's role. They take the blame off the offender and place it on the victim.

This is no way to support a victim or survivor.

But by understanding the reactions and effects of trauma, we can give survivors a strong support system. It's imperative to listen without judging, and to let victims know they are cared for and loved.

So do your part and educate yourself, support survivors, or help a friend do the same.

You can do all these things today by attending the Take Back the Night rally at 6:30 p.m. on the University of Iowa Pentacrest. The rally will include speakers from the community and campus, a march through downtown Iowa City, and allow victims and survivors the chance to share their thoughts and experiences.

Kelli Shaffner is a senior at the University of Iowa and a volunteer for Iowa Women Initiating Social Change. Comments: kelli-shaffner@uiowa.edu