Don’t ride too far on anti-bullying bandwagon

By Jennifer Bioche

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When I was a freshman at the University of Southern California, I remember hearing a term over and over again with respect to the fraternity and sorority system: hazing.

As young men and women lined up during “rush week” to court and be courted by their would-be Greek affiliates, stories of hazing, particularly in fraternities, were widespread. There was the frat house that made the freshman pledge drink until he had alcohol poisoning. The pledge who had to run scantily dressed down “The Row,” and so on.

Over and over again, the university made clear resounding statements in responding to the stupidity: “Haze, and your house is off our campus.”

Fast forward to present day, and hazing often is “bullying” - the new buzzword in both educational and parenting circles. You hear it everywhere, and many schools have adopted anti-bullying policies, which is fine - except some are taking it to the extreme.

Recently, Linn County Attorney Jerry Vander Sanden confirmed that the Lisbon Police Department had submitted criminal charges in the case of high school wrestling athletes allegedly bullying one of their own. The case involves a group of senior wrestlers who allegedly ganged up on a freshman in the locker room, urinated on him, and placed genitalia in his face. This act was terrible, and indefensible.

Legal action, however, isn't the solution. If we take one case of bullying and make it a legal matter, it can set precedence for our children to turn their conflicts into court cases. This drains our public resources and encourages a victim-like mentality in our youth. It also takes away from school authority, and makes them subject to future “fail to report” accusations, such as we're seeing in the Penn State/Jerry Sandusky case.

Children need to learn that bullies are everywhere in life. There will be bullies in the workplace, bullies in your apartment building, and bullies driving next to you on the highway. The cost of living in a free society is that stuff happens, risks exist and creating policies and legislation only erodes liberty as everyone walks on eggshells, hoping not to get sued. The result is a more fearful community, which in turn breeds weakness, rather than strength.

Last year, a middle school mom told me that her daughter, a Christian, was ridiculed by students for saying grace before meals in the lunchroom. The mother encouraged her daughter to be strong and keep saying grace. Sadly, after continued pressure, the girl stopped praying at meals. The mother didn't report this to the principal, call the other students' parents or schedule a news conference for that matter.

Instead, the daughter got an incredible lesson in real life: that bad things happen, not everybody likes you or agrees with you and life goes on.

There are also solutions that put the power back in our children. Izzy Kalman is an East Coast school psychologist and a longtime critic of anti-bullying laws. He says: “Parenting experts tell us that when we pay attention to negative behavior, we get more negative behavior. Can schools decrease bullying when they are mandated by

law to pay attention to

every act and complaint of bullying?”

His book and website www.Bullies2Buddies.com offer programs and teaching tools to help our children cope. Fewer laws, stronger kids. Something I think we can all get used to.

Jennifer Bioche lives in Marion and writes parenting blogs at http://www.facebook.com/prageru. Comments: jbioche@yahoo.com.