Commit to be Fit: How to shift ruminations into gratitude

I want to share with you something I have been struggling with recently. As I lay in bed, I find myself overthinking things I said (or didn’t say) and find it hard to fall asleep. Has this ever happened to you?

If you’ve ever agonized over a conversation, winced at something you said or replayed an awkward moment on loop, know you’re not alone.

As we move from Thanksgiving into the rest of the holiday season, our minds can easily slip into replaying worries, conversations or long to-do lists. This mental looping, or “rumination,” drains our energy and steals the joy from the moments right in front of us.

Replaying vs. ruminating

Replaying a conversation can be helpful; it’s how we learn and grow. But rumination is overthinking and replaying negative thoughts, worries or scenarios without ever reaching a resolution. It focuses on past mistakes or future fears, often amplifying guilt, insecurity and stress. It’s unproductive overthinking that traps you in self-criticism.

How rumination affects health

Over time, chronic rumination can disrupt sleep, increase inflammation, weaken immunity, elevate blood pressure, worsen anxiety and increase risk for heart disease.

All of these complications just from overthinking! So I started researching ways to help reduce my unproductive thoughts. Here’s what has been helping me lately:

Name it to tame it. My husband can help me identify when I am overthinking: “It sounds like you are stuck in a doom loop.” Just identifying that I am overanalyzing a situation helps me either reframe or let go.

Get moving! If you can go for a walk, do a workout, take a drive, change your scenery, journal or call a friend, these can all be helpful ways to get unstuck.

Pray and practice gratitude. I learned that our brains can't be anxious and grateful at the same time. So, when I’m stuck in a “doom loop” at night, I have started to pray, “God, please help me to release these thoughts that are not serving me. I give them to you and trust you.” And then I picture each family member and say thank you for each of them as I envision their face. This has helped me tremendously.

Helpful tips

Long before modern psychology named this pattern of overthinking, the Bible offered timeless wisdom for redirecting our thoughts. In Philippians 4:8, we’re encouraged to fix our minds on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely and commendable. It’s not a call to ignore challenges, but instead it’s an invitation to guide our attention toward what nourishes us, not what drains us.

It’s the holiday season, which means we see more family, socialize more with friends and have more personal conversations. Here are some helpful tips for social gatherings:

Prime the pump. One of my favorite strategies is to “prime the pump.” Before gatherings, think of a few topics you can comfortably discuss, especially with people you don’t know as well or don’t have as much in common.

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Act the way you want people to react. My mom has helped me realize that people usually mirror the energy you bring. If you’re single and your Aunt Sally asks you about dating, and you respond, “I’m struggling; there’s no one out there,” this invites worry or advice. But saying “I’m not seeing anyone right now, but I trust the right person will come at the right time” invites support and peace.

80/20 reality. “Eighty percent of conversations are usually neutral or positive. Twenty percent may feel awkward, and that’s normal.” We just tend to spend 100 percent of our energy analyzing the 20 percent. Take a breath and realize it’s normal, and then try to release your worry.

Bottom line

This season, give yourself permission to show up with kindness, release worries that aren’t serving you and savor the moments that matter. Peace doesn’t come from perfect conversations, but from a willingness to truly connect with others.

Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of the Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org.