State of Mind: Children need healthy, engaged dads

A television dad once said that 90 percent of being a father is showing up.

Whether or not that number is entirely accurate aside, there is truth in the adage that being present is a large part of being a parent. But once a man chooses to be there for his kids, the real work – and the real beauty – begins. And the impacts extend to the mental health and well-being of both dads and children alike.

Men in general face unique challenges when it comes to caring for their mental health. Confronting outdated stereotypes in which vulnerability equates to weakness and strength means silence, men often feel the need for complete self-reliance. As a result, men often ignore or hide issues regarding their mental health and are significantly less likely to seek help from a professional, even as the male population commonly grapples with things like anxiety, depression and substance use disorders.

When men become fathers, they can face additional potential struggles. It’s common for dads to have anxiety about being good enough, particularly in the face of societal pressure to act as the protector and the stoic, steady head of the household. Fathers can also experience postpartum depression throughout their child’s early years, as well as increased stress and worry throughout their child’s upbringing. Unfortunately, many dads are carrying these burdens in silence and fighting these battles without support.

On the other side of the equation are children. Whether toddlers or teenagers, the involvement and health of fathers play a critical role in the well-being of kids. Children who grow up with a present and engaged dad are more likely to experience higher self-esteem, self-worth and academic performance. They are also more likely to be able to form healthy relationships throughout their lives. Conversely, children who grow up without a father are more likely to experience behavioral issues, including defiance, anger and hyperactivity. They also exhibit lower social skills and face increased risks of delinquent behaviors and future incarceration during their lifetime.

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Even a present father that is struggling with their own mental health can heighten risks for the child. For example, children of depressed dads score 25 percent higher on behavioral problems. Even further, due to direct exposure to paternal depression and indirect exposure through resulting negative parenting behaviors, children can face increased risks of sadness, anxiety, aggression and physical health struggles.

This means that making self-care a priority can benefit both fathers and their children. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercise habits and sleep patterns are critical. Setting realistic expectations, proactively managing stress, setting boundaries with work and engaging in hobbies can be beneficial. Taking mental health seriously and addressing potential issues as they arise, including by seeking professional support when necessary, can’t be overlooked. Building positive relationships with the child’s other parent or parents, regardless of the adults’ relationship status, is also vital.

Most importantly, however, is the simple and profound, though not always easy, choice to show up and be present with kids. When fathers engage and nurture bonds with their children at any age, both the dad and kids benefit from improved mental health outcomes. In other words, maybe showing up really is more than half the battle.

Even something as simple as playing a game, reading a book or just talking and listening can go a long way to delivering exactly what both of you need most.

Bryan Busch is a licensed mental health counselor in Cedar Rapids. He can be reached at bryan@folience.com.