State of Mind: Cultivating intentional awareness in a society of entitlement

Entitlement. The word itself can draw intense reactions, especially in today’s social and political environments.

Entitlement refers to a belief of superiority or a baseless sense of being owed something. This can show up in any number of ways, like expecting to be paid higher wages than warranted, talking on video or speakerphone in a crowded store, parking illegally for your own convenience, or thinking it’s okay to offend or upset someone with unnecessary comments. While acting entitled does not automatically equate to someone being a narcissist, entitlement is certainly a narcissistic trait.

Often, those involved may have differing perspectives. Perhaps in a long morning drop-off line at school, one car passes the waiting cars to let their child off near the front of the line before quickly leaving, knowing they’re late for an important meeting. Another parent holds up a phone to record their child’s concert, blocking the view for parents behind them, planning to share the video with an ill relative. Or, a graduating senior stops to take a selfie while receiving their diploma, accompanied by noisemakers and loud hollers from family members that muffle the announced name of the following classmate, celebrating the fact that they overcame intense hardships to reach that milestone.

While the bystanders in those scenarios may immediately recognize the entitlement, the person directly involved might be unaware of their imposition. In other words, their focus is on themselves and, by nature, their superiority or uniqueness that provides them such rights. There is a belief that their actions are warranted by their situation, making any impact of their actions to others mere footnotes to their narrative. But if everyone acted on their own volition based on perceived unique situations or perceived hardships – and to be clear, everyone does have them – the result would be, well, exactly where we’ve found ourselves as a society.

While anyone can be prone to act entitled, adults are often the ones who model or encourage these behaviors in young people. This problem is compounded when those learned behaviors are multiplied and magnified as young people grow in future relationships, workplaces and other areas of life. This cycle then perpetuates, broadens and worsens over time.

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Entitlement can become a vicious cycle for the one acting entitled as well, which begins with constant, unlikely to be met, high expectations. When those expectations inevitably aren’t met, the result is often dissatisfaction and anger, which in turn leads to more entitled behavior in an attempt to fix the situation and reinforce self-assurance. Ultimately, this cycle can lead to persistent unhappiness, conflicts in relationships and even depression.

The challenge, of course, is that we seem to live in a world where social media and celebrity culture offer constant rewards for entitled behaviors and a me-centric lifestyle. Many people struggle to ever acknowledge or accept that they are not the exception to the rule, believing instead that they are in some unique position that warrants their selfishness.

Being a part of positive change must first come from intentional awareness. Be purposeful about trying to recognize when you’ve acted entitled or when your mind wanders into an entitled perspective. Then, challenge your own thought patterns. Try to see situations from the perspectives of those around you. Actively seek opportunities to practice respect, empathy, humility and gratitude.

We’re all human, which means we’re bound to act selfish at times. But being intentional about stepping back and challenging ourselves to be more aware and considerate of those around us will not only help to improve our own well-being but make important strides for our society as a whole.

Bryan Busch is a licensed mental health counselor in Cedar Rapids. He also works at Folience, the parent company of The Gazette. He can be reached at bryan.busch@thegazette.com.