What’s missing from Iowa-Missouri bowl in Nashville? Just a great RB, a great WR, a great O-lineman ...

Meh.

Now, if Iowa were playing Missouri in Keokuk or Hannibal, that would be a blast. A short drive, a packed high school stadium, and everyone goes back to their business quickly without incurring great expense.

The two football teams meeting in the Nashville Opt Out Bowl on Dec. 30 requires a little more walking-around money for tourists. Those schlocky Broadway Street bars owned by country music creatures see you coming.

Other than breaking out the old chestnut about how to improve the IQ of both Iowa and Missouri by giving Missouri the bottom layer of Iowa counties, the NOOB isn’t especially compelling.

You can pretend it’s a primo clash because the Tigers are 9-3 and the Hawkeyes 8-4, but you can also pretend everyone you hear singing in a Nashville tourist bar is the next George Jones or Tammy Wynette.

Iowa played one ranked team (Ohio State), and lost soundly. It has one win over an FBS team with a winning record (Minnesota). Missouri is 1-3 against ranked teams, and the win was over Boston College in September. Mizzou lost 34-0 to Alabama, 41-10 to Texas A&M.

However, the Tigers did win three of their last four games, with the loss a 34-30 battle at really good South Carolina. They are 20-5 over their last two seasons.

So it’s a good-not-great team, like Iowa. It was better when it had wide receiver Luther Burden III, who caught 61 passes this season and had 21 touchdown grabs over the last three years. He has opted out of Mizzou’s bowl to enter the NFL draft.

Of course, Iowa was saltier with running back Kaleb Johnson, who had 43.4 percent of Iowa’s offense with his 1,725 total yards, and 23 of the team’s 38 touchdowns. He has opted out for the draft, as has Hawkeye cornerback Jermari Harris, who had three interceptions and seven pass breakups before he ended his season after Game 10.

Mizzou has an equally strong opt-out game, since offensive tackle Armand Membou is skipping Nashville for the draft. Membou allowed just one quarterback sack in 338 pass-blocking sets this season.

Missouri has an offense that is nothing amazing, especially without Burden and Memsou. Quarterback Brady Cook had just nine touchdown passes this season after 21 last year for the Tigers team that finished the season with 11 wins and a No. 9 ranking in the final AP poll.

Cook, though, had a mere two interceptions this season out of 289 passes. He’s a 3-year starter. Iowa’s quarterback situation is a bit murkier.

Iowa is 16th nationally in total defense, Missouri 21st. So, it will probably be Somebody 13, Other Team 10.

The last time Iowa played in the NOOB, the quarterbacks were Joe Labas for the Hawkeyes and Destin Wade for Kentucky. It was the only start they made for those teams. Iowa won 21-0, with two of its three touchdowns on Pick-6s. Kentucky starting QB Will Levis opted out of the game.

Coincidentally, he now plays in Nashville as the Tennessee Titans’ No. 1 quarterback.

As for Iowa State, it plays Miami (Fla.) Dec. 28 in Orlando Opt Out Bowl No. 2, also known as the Pop-Tarts Bowl.

The Cyclones are playing in a third different game in the same stadium for the same bowl committee. They lost to Notre Dame in the 2019 Camping World Bowl and fell to Clemson in the 2021 Cheez-It Bowl.

You can’t say ISU hasn’t had marquee opponents in Orlando.

The fun now will be seeing how many Miami players hear “Pop-Tarts Bowl” and say no thanks to the empty calories. Will Cam Ward, who towers like Space Mountain above any quarterback the Cyclones have faced this year?

Miami was cruising to the College Football Playoff until it lost at Georgia Tech and Syracuse in the last three weeks. And now, the OOOB No. 2? Letdowns don’t come much bigger in the Opt Out Bowl world.

If Ward plays, and he may, the Cyclones will face a player who averages three touchdown passes and 344 passing yards per game. If Ward opts out, it isn’t the real Miami team.

In a far more-important matter, Pop-Tarts are a major upgrade over Cheez-Its.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com