Commit to be Fit: Grief manifests in many ways

Grief is a near-universal human experience. While most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, the reality is that any major life change can trigger feelings of grief.

And while it might be easier if it occurred along a linear progression — intensely strong at first and dissipating over time — the reality is that grieving often is a complex and confusing process that impacts both mental and physical health.

Defining grief

Even before considering its impacts, simply defining grief can be challenging. Most definitions refer to pain, distress, anguish or suffering in response to a loss. That loss might be the death of a loved one, but could also be something like divorce or other relationship loss, loss of a pet, loss of a job, chronic illness or major injury.

Even things that might otherwise be considered major positives in life, such as the birth of a child, moving across country for a new career opportunity, a high school graduation or kids moving away to college and parents becoming empty nesters can be accompanied with a certain level of grief for the loss of what was.

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What can make understanding grief even more complicated is the wide range of possible ways in which grief manifests for different people and in different situations.

Sadness, anger, fear, panic, guilt, loneliness and nervousness are just some of the many emotions that can accompany grief. These emotions can induce things like fatigue, numbness or social withdrawal, and eventually lead to or exacerbate symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Grief also has been associated with immune system dysfunction, sleep disruption, appetite changes, digestive problems, cardiovascular issues, headaches, difficulty concentrating, and confusion.

Grieving process

There are theories that everyone experiencing grief moves from one universal stage to the next until eventually completing the grieving process. The most common model of stages includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Other models add additional stages like shock, guilt and hope.

However we seek to define the grieving process, though, it remains a fluid and nonsequential journey. The feeling of grief itself may be permanent, as the loss that precipitated the grief is permanent. But how we experience and relate to that grief may change over time.

For example, we might experience strong emotional reactions early in the grieving process and then those feelings lessen in intensity over time, only for them to reemerge in response to a holiday, certain song or specific scent. Responses to grief are not always rational and that’s OK.

Helpful steps

Thankfully, helpful steps can be taken when you or someone you know is dealing with grief. When you’re grieving, things like journaling, meditation, exercise, eating a balanced diet, following a bedtime routine and normal sleep schedule, finding or rediscovering a creative hobby, staying connected with friends or family, engaging with a support group or talking with a therapist that can help process grief in a healthy way can all be beneficial.

When someone you know is working through the grieving process, offering space — literally or figuratively — for them to safely feel their emotions, simply listening without trying to solve anything and making plans for the future, can all be helpful.

Ultimately, grieving is a highly personal process that everyone experiences in their own unique way. National Grief Awareness Day, recognized on Aug. 30, is a great reminder to allow grace and offer support to ourselves and to others as we all work through the complex challenges associated with grief. Above all, it is a reminder that none of us is alone in grief and that throughout and alongside the grieving process, there is always hope.

Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of The Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org