The common thread of motherhood is love

My name is Assibi Ezoula and I am a mum of three amazing children.

Being a mum for me is to share love, comfort, cheer, teach, encourage and raise. And it can be a different experience for many.

Motherhood is unique in every culture. It is almost a fairy tale in Togo, West Africa, where I am from. In my culture, when you give birth to a child, the family will be around for at least a month to help you with your needs and the child’s needs, to help you heal quickly. I was a young mum at 18 when I had my first child in Togo. It was hard for me as I did not want to return to school or leave my child and that was OK. When I came here to the U.S., I experienced something different. I learned here in the U.S. when you give birth, you are mostly on your own, no family around, and isolation is not easy on us, especially as an immigrant. When I had my second child here in the U.S., I felt helpless. It was very hard for me to toilet-train my son and to breastfeed him. It was hard for me to do any housework. I felt so lonely. Despite the presence of my husband and my daughter, it was still not enough.

In Africa, we did not have some of the worries that mums in the U.S. experience like balancing work and child care. I was self-employed in Africa; it is easy to have your own business in my country so you can provide. Here in America, you need to be employed to get an income, it is much harder to work for yourself, but doing that if you have no family around you will have to leave your child with an unknown person. Thinking of leaving my child with someone I do not know was very scary to me. I know that there are some safe places here to leave your child but because of my cultural background, it was not an easy option for me.

Having a child will shape your routine and lifestyle. The transitions have been rough, but we can never give up on our hopes and dreams. Motherhood is giving everything. It can be painful, but it is a joyful pain because at the end we are proud of our children.

I had the chance to participate in the YPN home visit program. I discovered so many ways to help your child develop. I will give an example of tummy time. We do not practice tummy time in my culture. We don't have parenting education classes either! My experiences with YPN have made me realize that if I had nutrition classes in Togo, I could have taught my child how to also take the bottle and not to always prefer the breast. I learned all about parenting and nutrition education here in the U.S. Having support and resources from YPN has made the transitions bearable and I look forward to learning more.

I have learned that no matter where you are from, being a mum is to be ready for anything for the well-being of your child. In all cultures, being a mum is love.

Assibi Ezoula is a YPN African mom and lives in Cedar Rapids.