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Commit to be Fit: Healthy attachments enriches our lives, health
Kylie Alger
Feb. 16, 2024 6:00 am
In order to thrive, we are created with a deep-seated desire to experience love and connect with others. The more I am learning about attachment styles, the more I am convinced that learning to attach to others in a healthy way is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Be sure to read to the end, to see the many health benefits of secure relationships.
Attachment theory
Earlier this month, we explored attachment theory, which illuminates how our early bonds with parents/caregivers influences our adult relationships. Recognizing your attachment style is helpful in understanding your behaviors and reactions in relationships.
Attachment styles
To review, attachment styles vary from insecure (anxious and avoidant) to secure. Each style has an impact on your ability to trust others and develop relationships. Securely attached individuals feel comfortable expressing their needs and emotions, and enjoy intimacy without fear of abandonment.
Secure attachment
If you feel like you have an insecure attachment style, the good news is you have the ability to work toward achieving a secure attachment style. This is ultimately achieved with the right partner. Research suggests securely attached individuals tend to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships. The kind of relationship that provides feelings of closeness, safety, predictability and a feeling of being supported.
Securely attached individuals:
- Have emotional awareness: They are able to express emotions in a healthy way. If you’re unable to manage your emotions, you’re likely to be more reactive in your relationships, which decreases attachment security. Emotional awareness includes becoming aware of the unhealthy behavior patterns of your insecure attachment style. Identifying these patterns and making conscious choices will aid in developing secure attachments.
- Establish “emotional safety”: While we can only take responsibility for our own behaviors, I find in my own relationship that when one of us is mature in a disagreement, it inspires the other to reciprocate in the same calm manner. Safety is established when both partners take accountability for their actions, enjoy open communication, actively listen without judgment, share needs without attacking, problem solve together (without blaming), respect personal boundaries, and make an effort to be vulnerable.
- Practice self-love: Actively working on appreciating and loving oneself is one of the most powerful ways to move toward secure attachment. Loving oneself is a lifelong quest; accepting yourself as you are while simultaneously taking steps to become the best version of yourself.
- Are trustworthy and reliable: Being consistent, dependable, and supportive (with others and yourself) builds trust and provides reliability in your relationships.
- Seek guidance and have a willingness to change: Drawing inspiration from secure attachment models and seeking support from mental health professionals can greatly aid in your journey toward secure attachments.
Incredible health benefits
Fostering secure attachments not only enriches our emotional lives but also contributes to our physical vitality. “People who enjoy secure relationships have been found to live longer, healthier lives. If they get a cut, their wound heals faster; if they suffer with high blood pressure, their blood pressure actually goes down in the presence of their partner,” says co-authors Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in their book, “Attached.” It works this way because we are connected to our partner on both a psychological and a physiological level.
Remember, no relationship is perfect. Taking small steps can lead to a significant transformation in your relationships and overall well-being.
Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of the Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org.
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