Commit to be Fit: Treat others, yourself with kindness

Last month at my son’s Christmas concert, I started making small talk with the woman sitting next to me.

“Hi! Who are you here to see?” I asked.

“Oh, I am just here for a friend, her kids are in the concert,” she explained.

“Oh that’s so nice to celebrate Christmas with your friends!” I exclaimed, the bright gym lights glistening off my sparkly Christmas sweater.

Then she suddenly got quiet, “Well, to be honest, I actually decided I am not celebrating Christmas this year,” she half-whispered to me.

“Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that. I would love to listen if you want to share with me.”

She looked down, “I just can’t celebrate Christmas … my son died this year.”

I just grabbed her and hugged her and we both cried.

“Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” This timeless quote resonated deeply with me that day. None of us know the depths of personal battles others are facing. I was so humbled that this grieving mother felt comfortable enough to share her devastating loss.

My mom tragically lost her brother in a car accident when he was in college. She has told me that she wishes our society would have some sort of physical sign, like a badge or a necklace a person could wear if they were suffering a recent loss.

This lends the question, would you treat someone differently if you knew about their loss? Would you be more patient? More kind? More accommodating? What if we treated everyone like they were wearing a badge of mourning? Because in different ways, everyone is struggling with some sort of personal battle. Relationship problems, financial struggles, health scares, addictions, we just don’t know what other people are going through.

Research provides evidence that acts of kindness not only benefit the recipient, but also contributes to the well-being of the giver. There are many significant ways kindness improves one’s health and well-being: kindness bolsters happiness, fosters connection, decreases stress and anxiety, promotes heart health and increases longevity.

Kindness toward others often begins with cultivating kindness toward oneself. I once read this analogy: Let’s say someone bumps into you while you are holding a cup of coffee and the coffee spills all over.

Why did you spill your coffee? “Because someone bumped into me!” Wrong answer. You spilled coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in your cup, you would have spilled tea. Meaning, whatever is inside your cup is what will spill out. Therefore, when life comes and shakes you, — which will happen — whatever is inside of you will come out.

When you get rattled by life, what will spill out of your cup? Joy, gratefulness, peace and love? Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and judgment? And remember, spilling hot coffee doesn’t only have the potential to burn you, it also has the potential to harm others.

Key take-away: Be kind to others, it's imperative to first extend kindness and compassion to yourself. This involves acknowledging and embracing our own vulnerabilities, imperfections and struggles. Self-compassion doesn’t mean perfection. Rather, it’s about treating yourself with the same understanding and gentleness that you would offer to a friend in times of need.

“The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others,” according to Wayne Dyer.

Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of the Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org.