It's time to just grow up

Helloooo, junior high school!

I never thought I'd see you again, you with your sweaty palms and catty cliques and “what are you wearing tomorrow?” “I dunno, what are you wearing tomorrow?” “I dunno.”

Thought I'd left you far behind, except maybe for the odd glimpse at an old yearbook or the even odder one-time BFF who can't keep from posting to Facebook the photo evidence of our unfortunate fashion histories.

(Wearing six watches at one time was cool back then - really cool. Seriously. Trust me.)

Wrong again.

How else do you explain the news this week three Iowa civil rights investigators were given the boot for exchanging hundreds of snotty emails about their co-workers?

Just like we used to pass notes in class or conduct sign language conversations across the room while a teacher's head was turned (yes, children, that was our version of texting), their former employer says Tiffanie Drayton, Michele Howard and Wendy Buenger used their departmental email accounts to pass along critical information about the weight, intelligence and general hot or notness of their co-workers at the Iowa Civil Rights Commission in Des Moines.

Do you think he likes me? Do you mean like, or like-like? He was totally looking at me during the ... Shut up, shut up! Here comes the teacher!

The Three Gossipteers called their supervisors “Teen Wolf” and “Night Ranger,” passed along hilarious - oops, I mean offensive - photos of Walmart shoppers and other people who were - just eeew, you know?

And, OMG, did they have a lot to talk about. Supervisors told the Associated Press that from March 1 until June 3, Drayton sent an average of 75 personal emails per day; Howard sent more than 1,500, mostly personal, emails during the same period of time.

But they totally were going to get around to investigating those complaints of housing and employment discrimination, only the teacher, supervisor - whatever - didn't explain the assignment right.

In fact, it's completely unfair these three Mean Girls were fired this summer. Everybody knows it. It's only because the teacher, I mean supervisor, hated them that the women's unemployment claims were denied.

And it's not like anyone knew they were talking behind their backs, OK, yeah, more or less constantly. As Howard testified earlier this month, the girls were just “being silly.”

Anyway, it's not like Psycho Monster, Roid Rage or Sarge would be smart enough to get the joke. Am I right?

Fine. Sorry.

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jennifer.hemmingsen@sourcemedia.net