Give dads their due

Dads matter.

That ought to go without saying.

But despite the hard work of pro-father groups, this odd idea persists that if moms are the bedrock of our nation's families, dads are the shifting sand.

At first glance, the numbers would seem to support that bias. Today, one child in three doesn't live with a biological dad. In 1960, that number was one in 10.

But it's a mistake to say that this country's increasing fatherlessness means that dads don't matter or that men don't care about children.

There's a lot more to modern fatherhood than who sleeps where, and a lot more to the story behind those numbers of seemingly absent dads.

But first, let's talk about those fathers who are stepping up - becoming more engaged in their children's' lives than generations of fathers before them. These modern dads - post-”Father Knows Best,” post- “wait until your father gets home” dads - don't just talk about work-life balance. They walk the tightrope.

These dads might bring home the bacon (their share of it, at least), but they also help with homework, and bath time, and a hundred other domestic chores. Of those dads living with kids, one out of five is the primary caregiver at least part of the time. More than 150,000 men identify themselves as stay-at-home-dads.

Even more fathers are raising children alone - custodial dads with kids account for 2.2 million households - another number that has skyrocketed in the past decade. Funny, we don't hear about those dads as much as we do about their deadbeat peers.

Some dads are duds, no doubt about it. But for every neglectful father, there are a dozen dads who love their kids and want to be involved.

But courts have largely failed to recognize the changing role of modern dads. Overwhelmingly, courts still give mothers primary or sole custody of children in divorces, treating dads like lesser partners. Unmarried fathers have even fewer legal rights.

Last session, a bill that would have given Iowa fathers more rights in split child custody cases died on the legislative vine.

Can a child grow up to be happy, secure, responsible, successful - all the things we want kids to be - without a father? Of course.

But why should they, if there's a dad in the wings who wants to be more involved, but can't?

So for Father's Day tomorrow, let's leave behind once and for all this take-dads-or-leave-them attitude, retire the circular arguments about whether or not we even need them. We do.

But more than that, our kids do, too.

Comments: (319) 339-3154; jennifer.hemmingsen@sourcemedia.net