Schools ask families to confirm nicknames, pronouns of students

Puck Carlson of Iowa City was 11 when they first considered using a name different from the one they were given at birth.

Carlson considers themselves lucky. Their parents supported the decision and the family worked together to find a name that felt right.

Carlson chose the name “Puck” after a fairy from the Shakespeare play, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” — possibly because Puck’s grandfather was a theater professor who had instilled a lifelong love of theater in the child.

Puck’s positive experience, however, is not every student’s experience.

A new Iowa law — Senate File 496, signed into law in May by Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds — requires written parental permission for a student to go by a pronoun or a name not assigned them at birth. And it requires school staff to notify a parent if a student requests to be addressed by a different pronoun or name.

The bill was a top priority of Reynolds and legislative Republicans who say the measure expands parents’ rights and gives parents more input into their children’s education. School employees who don’t follow the law may face penalties, including losing their teaching license, starting Jan. 1, 2024.

Complying with law

In order to comply with the new law, the Cedar Rapids Community School District announced in a newsletter last week that all parents will be asked to confirm any alternative names, nicknames or preferred names that their student will be using.

“For example,” the newsletter states, “if your son’s legal name is Anthony, but he typically goes by Tony, school employees will not be able to call your student by their preferred name (or) nickname until it has been confirmed by a parent and updated in Infinite Campus,” an online portal used by many school districts to track student registrations, attendance, behavior and grades

An email will be sent to all parents of students in Cedar Rapids schools Tuesday that contains a link to a form allowing them to update this information online. The form will only be available until Oct. 3, according to the newsletter.

If changes need to be made after Oct. 3, families will be required to fill out a form in the school office.

Other school districts — College Community, Linn-Mar, Marion Independent and Iowa City — have adopted policies titled “student disclosure of identity,” which includes a form letter informing families if a student is requesting a name or pronoun different from the name and pronoun on the school registration form.

‘Adverse consequences’

Jenny Schulz, executive director and founder of Kids First Law Center in Cedar Rapids, which provides legal representation and services for kids, said child clients “have had adverse consequences from the implementation of this law.”

  Buy Photo

One child wanted to use a shortened version of their legal name for reasons that had nothing to do with being in the LGBTQ community, Schulz said.

“The parent got very upset and physical with the child. It resulted in a physical altercation, and the police were called,” Schulz said.

It also puts kids in harm’s way by forcing them to “come out” — sharing with others their sexual orientation or gender identity — before they are ready or to parents who are not supportive, Schulz said.

“We’ve taken something innocent that’s a normal part of childhood” — like a nickname — “and twisted it into something ridiculous,” Schulz said. “Children develop nicknames in the process of exploring who they are and how they see themselves separate and apart from their gender identity.”

Schulz said the law is harming students’ relationships with teachers because it takes away a teacher’s ability to connect positively with a student.

‘Private name’

Carlson, 17, now a senior at Iowa City High School, said they still like their “private” name — the name given them at birth — but it “doesn’t really feel like me.”

"Dead name” is also a term used to refer to a birth name, but Carlson prefers to call it a “private name” because “it’s a name that still is mine.” Being called by a “dead” or a “private” name is like being a spy pretending to be a different self, Carlson said. It’s not who you really are.

Carlson and their parents also were able to change Puck’s name and pronouns in the Infinite Campus online portal before the school year began.

Carlson, who organized several school walkouts last year demanding rights for the LGBTQ — lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer — communities, said they knew the new laws would be passed by the Iowa Legislature, regardless of the protest.

The protests “were designed to bring people together,” Carlson said. “There’s strength in numbers. These laws don’t represent a large number of the constituents, and I think that keeps Iowa safer for queer people.”

‘Makes me happy’

Jules Robinson, 17, a senior at Prairie High School, said the name they were given at birth “felt like a different person. It never felt like it fit me.”

Jules is a nickname given to Robinson — who is nonbinary — by their friends. “It makes me happy,” they said.

Although they have been going by their chosen name for three years, they had to get a “student disclosure of identity” form signed by their mom this year because of the new law.

“She had to give them my legal name, what I would rather go by and what my pronouns are, so they could change it in the school system,” Robinson said. “Even though my parents are supportive, it is dehumanizing. It’s requiring outside validation to legitimize my identity. It’s forcing student identities to be approved by their parents and the government.”

Robinson said there will be “real consequences” to this law — “isolation, abuse, suicidal ideation” — especially for students whose families aren’t supportive of their identity.

‘Deadnaming’

Students putting together the yearbook at Iowa City High School worry about accidentally “deadnaming” a student.

Lili Moessner, 17, a senior at City High, said yearbook staffers have been working to be more inclusive — even adding categories like “cutest pet” to showcase students who aren’t involved in traditional school activities like athletics.

  Buy Photo

If a student isn’t able to put their preferred name and pronoun into Infinite Campus because it wasn’t approved by their parent or guardian, the yearbook staff might never know.

“The new law makes it harder to correctly identify students’ names and pronouns,” said Molly Savage, 16, a junior at City High.

After approving the “student disclosure of identity” policy last month, the Iowa City school board unanimously approved a resolution of support and commitment to all students.

“During the 2023 legislative session, the Iowa Legislature and Gov. Reynolds enacted a series of laws that discriminate against LGBTQ students and their families. … The new legislation has forced public school districts across the state to comply with nuanced, harmful and ambiguous regulations,” the resolution reads.

“The thing that happened is harmful to children,” school board member Maka Pilcher-Hayek said. “The last thing a school board wants is for children to suffer.”

Iowa City school board member Charlie Eastham also asked for his pronouns — which are he/him — be added to his nameplate that sits in front of him during school board meetings.

“For me, that’s something I can do which I think would help some students understand we are all on their side and we oppose what other people in the state are trying to do,” Eastham said. “The current legislation discriminates against LGBTQ students.”

Comments: (319) 398-8411; grace.king@thegazette.com