Bruises fade. The pain does not

I wrote recently about hunger in our state and country. Now, another festering sore has been called to my attention — domestic violence and abuse. There are thousands of victims in Iowa, and several hundred thousand in the country. Almost certainly there are some in your neighborhood, near you in church, next to you in your doctor’s office.

I have a new friend from among those victims. She is a college graduate and a longtime reporter for The Gazette, now retired. Here’s what she wrote in The Gazette in 2014:

“I remember my first bruise. It was ugly and dark and the size of his fist. Someone noticed it on my left biceps. Who hit you? I was ready with excuses: 'Oh, he didn't mean it. It was an accident.’” It was, of course, no accident, but part of a pattern.

As hard as it is to believe, a recent study found, in their lifetimes “35.3 percent of Iowa women and 29.3 percent of men experience intimate partner physical or sexual violence or stalking. Between January 2015 and March 2020, 325 people were killed in domestic violence incidents in Iowa.

I had never thought about domestic abuse until recently. I volunteer a couple of hours a week in Iowa City at Houses into Homes. It helps people coming out of prison, the homeless, and victims of domestic abuse fill a barren apartment with beds and tables and kitchen utensils.

I didn’t think I knew anyone who had been abused by a spouse or partner.

Certainly, there was no homelessness in the affluent suburbs where I had lived. We never had a neighbor come home from prison. Domestic violence was unheard of, but it was there, as the numbers above show. It is not only not rare, it happens at every level of income, occupation, education, or residence.

You may stand with a victim in checkout lines, and wave at them when you drop your kids at school. You may even vote for one.

Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst cited domestic abuse in her divorce proceeding.

The Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) in Iowa City exists because violence by an intimate partner is the single greatest cause of injury to women.

Social problems don’t get solved if they aren’t recognized. Domestic abuse is a difficult one because we think of it as far away and infrequent. It is close and not rare.

What can any of us do to diminish the problem? Be sensitive to signs of abuse, a bruise, a bandage, a reluctance to talk about home or spouse. Better yet, there is professional help available.

Since 2000, we have been fortunate to have the Domestic Violence Intervention Program to respond to victims’ anguished calls for help. They provide emergency housing if that is needed. They provide counseling which is always needed.

Here is how DVIP explains its mission:

“Trauma and its impact on women, men and children has been well documented as a significant public health concern.” Keep this number, (319) 351-1043 in case you need it. In Cedar Rapids, contact Waypoint at either (319) 363-2093 or 800-208-0388.

Norman Sherman of Coralville has worked extensively in politics, including as Vice President Hubert Humphrey’s press secretary, and authored a memoir “From Nowhere to Somewhere.”