What to do when you and your spouse are not on the same page?

Most married couples take a “divide-and-conquer” approach to household tasks and chores. One spouse might handle weekly shopping, the other might handle garbage and recycling. One spouse might handle laundry and cleaning, the other might handle yard work and maintenance. One spouse might drive the kids to school, the other might pick them up.

But household spending/budgeting is one of those responsibilities that’s best tackled together. Money issues are one of the biggest sources of marital tension, and a leading factor in divorces.

Here are five ways that may help you and your spouse make sure you agree on your household spending, avoid surprises and enjoy your money together.

1. Have an open and honest discussion.

Many couples assume their attitudes about money are aligned. Then one day, the furnace goes out or the roof needs to be replaced and funds are needed to be withdrawn from a savings account, but the other spouse has already “earmarked” them for a different purpose — or worse yet — already spent them on something else.

Stressful situations are not the ideal time for a couple to discover significant differences in spending habits. Sit down with your spouse and have a thorough review of your finances and your monthly budget.

Find compromises that will allow you to save for the future while still enjoying yourself and managing the priorities.

2. Understand the total household cash flow.

In many households, one spouse handles all the bill payments. This can lead to misunderstandings and “discussions” about where the money goes every month.

Both spouses should understand how much the household spends every month, and how the bills get paid.

If you’re the one who’s usually in charge of bills, take some time to explain the process to your spouse. Show them which bills are paid electronically, which are paid by check, the monthly amounts and due dates, etc.

This won’t just help both spouses understand the monthly cash flow, it also will enable both spouses to handle household finances in the event of an emergency.

3. Be transparent about all assets and liabilities.

Newly married couples might still have banking or credit accounts that are only in the original account holder’s name. Meaning: The other spouse might not find out about these accounts until a credit card is maxed out or a credit score is pulled during a loan application, which can be an uncomfortable situation.

Again, discussing money with your spouse at a time when there is not an issue allows a much more constructive outcome. Financial secrets tend to come out at the worst times, compounding stress, hurt feelings and strain on your budget.

Your spouse could be a co-signer and beneficiary on all of your accounts, and vice versa. If one of those accounts carries a large liability, get out in front of the problem and talk about how to start paying it down.

Discuss the ramifications of combining any large individual assets with a tax professional or your financial adviser.

4. Agree on a budget.

If one spouse is responsible for the household budgeting and bill pay, they often become The One Who Has to Say No. No eating out this week. No weekend trip to the water park. No new cellphones. No new clothes. Etc.

Not an ideal way of building fluid conversation when it comes to expenses and decisions.

Nobody likes being in that position, especially if you’re saying “no” to your children. Eventually, you or your spouse will resent being The One Who Has to Say No, which is why you should both understand the household’s monthly cash flow and agree on how your money is — and isn’t — spent.

5. Get help and simplify

There are many apps and programs available today that can assist you in managing your expenses and overall debt. Automating select bill payments and regular contributions to retirement and savings accounts also can help clarify your monthly budgeting picture.

Finally, if there’s a spending gap between you and your spouse that seems impossible to bridge, enlist an outside professional who can help you understand the where and why of certain attitudes. Facilitating this dialogue is key to making sure both people have the best life possible with the least amount of tension that money can sometimes bring to a relationship.

Pete Alepra is managing director-financial adviser with RBC Wealth Management. Comments: (319) 368-7023; peter.alepra@rbc.com.