Show compassion for loss of a child

By Shannon Farley

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Father's Day for me is bitter sweet. The sweet part of it is that I get to celebrate being a dad to my two children and spend time with my own father.

The bitter part is the fact that I know my brother, Kelly, will be having a difficult Father's Day. It's been almost nine years since his daughter Katie died and seven years since his son Noah died. Just writing those horrific words causes me to pause and think about how difficult this journey has been for not only him as a grieving dad, but all of the other grieving parents who are out there.

Father's Day is supposed to be filled with the celebration of being a dad. But for bereaved parents, these types of days cause a lot of pain. You see, most people think that bereaved parents should pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get things back to “normal.” When I say “most people,” I mean people who have not buried a child.

Those who are unfortunate enough to have seen a family member or friend live through the aftermath of burying a child also know it isn't quite that simple. There is no getting back to “normal,” although they try. I've watched my brother try to get back to “normal,” but it has never happened. How can it?

The death of a child goes beyond most people's comprehension, except for the bereaved parents . Bereaved parents don't have the luxury of removing that thought from their head, they live it. Every day, they live it.

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I have watched my brother take his pain and reconstruct his life to help others work through the death of a child. Because I am proud of his work and selflessness to help other bereaved parents, I have joined him and fellow grieving dad Barry Kluger to assist them with bringing awareness to the Farley-Kluger Initiative (www.FarleyKluger.com). More than 61,000 petitions have already been sent to Washington, D.C., many of these petitions signed by residents of Iowa.

Currently, there are two federal bills, The Parental Bereavement Act of 2013, sitting in the House of Representatives (HR515) and the Senate (S226) that propose expanding the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993 to include the death of a child as a covered condition.

Right now, you receive up to 12 weeks unpaid leave from work if you have a child, adopt a child, care for a sick family member, you are ill or you are caring for an injured service member. If your child dies, most companies grant 3-5 days bereavement leave.

Sadly, there is no political support from Iowa's congressional delegation on this issue. As Iowans, I know we can do better.

I know compassion isn't a thing of the past. This issue shouldn't be caught up in Washington politics. It's a common sense change because no parent is sheltered from the death of a child and those affected are Democrats, Republicans, rich, poor, as well as from all cultural and religious backgrounds.

I urge Sens. Chuck Grassley and Tom Harkin and Iowa's representatives in the House to join their counterparts from other states as co-sponsors of this compassionate bill.

I think we can all agree that no one wants more government in their lives. However, we want the businesses that rely on those who have lost a child to recognize that the best assets of a company walk out the door at the end of the workday. They are what makes the economy move along. They have given their employers loyalty, dedication and productivity but in the eyes of some companies, the death of a child makes them “expendable” if they are unable to return to work the day after burying their child.

I cannot begin to imagine why anyone would not want to extend a compassionate hand to those who have lost a child. Have we really become a country that is focused more on the bottom line than helping our neighbors through difficult times?

l Shannon Farley of Cedar Rapids is the father of Max, 8, and Ava, 7. Kelly Farley and his wife, Christine, now reside in Naperville, Ill. Comments: srfarley100@gmail.com