Hlastradamus: If you like furs and limos, heed the seer on Iowa State-Iowa

Hlastradamus doesn’t wear white after Labor Day, unless it’s Louis Vuitton.

The prophet is telling you a myriad of ways to play the Iowa State-Iowa game. Ignore them if you wish. Some people like a modest lifestyle. For those who prefer furs, limousines, and subscriptions to all 456 of the streaming video services available, pay heed!

When Hlastradamus last looked, Iowa was a 3.5-point favorite. Which means the Hawkeyes must score more than three points. Far-fetched as that may seem to some of you mortals, it will happen. Details, however, are not available at this time.

In fact, the seer is saying take Iowa and throw the 3.5, for one reason. The Hawkeyes are 4-0-2 against the spread in their last six games against the Cyclones, all of which they won.

Iowa was a 4-point underdog a year ago and won by 10. It was a 3-point favorite the last time the two teams met in Kinnick Stadium, in 2018, and won by 10. It was a 15-point pick in 2016 and won by 39. And so forth.

Now, here’s where having a crystal ball supersedes trends that anyone can unearth.

Take Iowa under 10.5 points in the first half. The Hawkeyes haven’t scored a touchdown in five of their last six halves.

Take Iowa State to commit the first penalty. In Iowa’s last six games at Kinnick, it has committed just 17 penalties to the opponents’ 48.

With 40-1 odds, take the game’s first score to be a safety. Iowa has three safeties in its last two games at Kinnick, and 40-to-1 is a nice, plump number.

Take the total points in the game to be even, not odd, just because Hlastradamus says so.

Finally, take the total number of points in the game to exceed 40.5 only because the world expects otherwise. The soothsayer says to always go against what the world tells you because the world is full of swamps and deserts and dark alleys and greasy, two-bit grifters.