Big Ten is No. 1... in corn, cranberries, crabs and Rocky statues

The Big Ten Conference is coming off a sports year with national-championship teams in wrestling, women’s volleyball, men’s lacrosse, field hockey and women’s ice hockey.

That’s only fitting, because Big Ten states are No. 1 in so many things. Iowa, as you may have heard, is No. 1 in the nation for corn and pork production.

Illinois is first in soybeans. Michigan is tops in asparagus. Pennsylvania leads in mushrooms.

Wisconsin ranks first in cheese and cranberries. Maryland is first in blue crabs.

Nebraska leads the national rankings in popcorn production. Wisconsin is second and Pennsylvania fourth in butter production, so the Big Ten clearly is the best conference for going to the movies.

Minnesota is No. 1 in turkeys. Indiana is No. 1 in ducks. Iowa, Ohio, Indiana and Pennsylvania are the top four states in chickens. No one is claiming to be the national leader in pigeons.

In 2020, New Jersey was No. 1 in the nation in millionaires per capita, and Maryland was No. 2. Five of the six states ranking 45th through 50th in that category are Southeastern Conference states.

Before the Big Ten gets too sassy about that, it should know most of its states get more annual snowfall than all the SEC’s states combined. Hey, warm weather isn’t everything. Or so it’s easier to say in Iowa when it’s June instead of January.

U.S. News and World Report ranks the best states in which to live. Its eight criteria are education, economy, infrastructure, opportunity, fiscal stability, crime and corrections, and natural environment. In 2021, Minnesota was No. 2, Nebraska sixth, Wisconsin eighth and Iowa 12th.

The SEC had seven of the 10 worst states, counting new member Oklahoma, which I do. So remember that the next time an SEC team is winning the national football championship. That will be January 2023, by the way.

New Jersey is No. 1 in the greatest percentage of children enrolled in preschool. Ohio has five of the nation’s top 10 cities for affordable cities with excellent schools.

Iowa ranks first in renewable energy use. From 2015 to 2020, Minnesota ranked first in business five-year survival rate. Illinois was No. 1 in animal-protection laws for 12 straight years.

Minnesota is No. 1 in lakes among the lower 48 states. Michigan is No. 1 in Great Lakes, touching four of the five.

OK, those are all good, solid No. 1s. But others are a little weird. For instance:

Pennsylvania leads the nation in statues of Rocky Balboa.

Nebraska is No. 1 in ordinances forbidding barbers to eat onions between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.

Michigan is ahead of all of other states in hatred of Ohio State.

Ohio is No. 1 in being irritated with people who can’t distinguish it from Iowa, which is No. 1 in being annoyed with people who can’t distinguish it from Idaho.

New Jersey is No. 1 in people who tell you New Jersey is the only place that knows how to make good bagels.

Minnesota ranks ahead of all other states in hometowns of Bob Dylan that Dylan hasn’t publicly returned to since 1969.

Maryland is first in the number of cities named “Chevy Chase.” Pennsylvania is first in the number of cities named “Bird-in-Hand.”

Iowa is first in the number of cities named “Quasqueton.”

Michigan is tied for first in fewest wolverines, with zero.

Nebraska is in a 50-way tie for first in number of U.S. senators. It has about 20 times fewer people than California.

Illinois leads the nation in burial sites of Al Capone and his family members.

Ohio is No. 1 in insurance claims for theft of copper.

Minnesota tops all states in people who like to say “You betcha.”

What about geospatial maturity, you ask? Indiana ranks first in it. No, I don’t know what that means. So let’s instead note Indiana is the leader in little pink houses for you and me. Ooh, yeah.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com