Hlastradamus: Picking Minnesota-Iowa and more

Evanston, Ill., has quite a tree canopy. Evanston’s trees have their own Facebook page.

The trees are great for the city, great for its people, great for its birds and squirrels. It’s not so good if you’re a seer.

Hlastradamus went 2-3 last week (23-16 against the spread this year) partly because too many leaves fell in Evanston last week and blocked his view of what was going to happen in the Iowa-Northwestern game.

The prophet couldn’t see the Wildcats cutting into a 17-3 Iowa lead and ruining his pick of the Hawkeyes by 12 points because all of those stupid leaves.

But you get back up, dust those leaves off your orb, and get back in the winning business. Because you’re Hlastradamus, dam-us it.

Iowa -5 vs. Minnesota

OK, the Gophers haven’t won at Kinnick Stadium since 1999. P.J. Fleck has never beaten Iowa. And Minnesota is coming off a home loss to Illinois. And Iowa is 4-0-1 against the spread in its last five games against the Gophers.

Does anything in the previous paragraph suggest to you that the Hawkeyes won’t cover?

OK, Iowa has a first-time starter at quarterback in Alex Padilla, and he’s facing a better defense than the one he was looking at last week at Northwestern.

OK, the Gophers brutalized the Wildcats 41-14 the week before Iowa held on at Evanston, 17-12.

OK, the Hawkeyes are 123rd in the nation in total offense while Minnesota is eighth in the nation in total defense.

It’s just five points, it’s at Kinnick, and Iowa can’t afford to lose a second traveling trophy in three weeks time. How would it replace a bull and a pig on short notice? Haven’t you heard, there’s a supply chain issue.

Iowa State -10.5 at Texas Tech

If going to Lubbock, Texas, in November, you either are being kidnapped or you’re on a mission to win a football game.

It’s the latter for the Cyclones, who have won their last five meetings against the Red Raiders by double-digits and covered each time.

Wisconsin -24.5 vs. Northwestern

The Badgers have covered in their last four Big Ten games, and easily. This is a great big number, but let’s start with this premise: The Wildcats probably won’t score against the UW’s ‘D.’

So all that’s left is for Wisconsin to hang a 25, a week after it put a 52 on Rutgers’ head last week in New Jersey.

Mustard’s Last Stand is next door to Ryan Field. That game against Iowa last week was 2021 Northwestern’s Last Stand.

Ohio State -21 vs. Purdue

The Buckeyes won but didn’t cover the last two weeks. They do have the motivation of needing to blast the Boilermakers to impress the bizarre cabal that forms the College Football Playoff selection committee.

You know, the Michigan State-beat-Michigan-so-let’s-rank-Michigan-ahead-of-Michigan State crowd.

Everything about this number screams “too much.” Purdue is a competent team. Ohio State’s defense isn’t national-championship caliber.

But the CFP wants to keep Ohio State ahead of Cincinnati at all possible costs. So does the Big Ten. The powerful always seem to get they want.

Penn State +1.5 vs. Michigan

You know what they say at Penn State?

“We Are Penn State.”

Hlastradamus says this about that:

Nothing. It isn’t something he considers. Nor does he ponder “2 Legit 2 Quit,” “Live Long and Prosper,” or “Badges? We Ain’t Got No Badges. We Don’t Need No Badges. I Don't Have To Show You Any Stinking Badges!”

The picks were difficult this week. The leaves aren’t done falling yet.