Super Tuesday vs. Super Storm

1. Super Storm -- Time it took to snowblow my drifted driveway and buried sidewalks: More than an hour.

Super Tuesday -- Time it took for the Fox Decision Desk to declare winners and bury losers once the polls closed in several states: About 5 seconds.

2. Super Storm -- Just when you think you're done shoveling, a pathologically merciless snow plow driver shows up and fills the end of your driveway.

Super Tuesday -- Just when you think promising early returns might indicate a big night for Obama, the pathologically conniving Clintons rise up to halt his surge.

3. Super Storm -- Can it please stop snowing already?

Super Tuesday -- Can Mitt Romney please stop wasting his childrens' inheritance already?

4. Super Storm -- The more snow we get, the more bitter this winter becomes.

Super Tuesday -- The more Hannity, Limbaugh, Ingraham and Coulter bitterly pile on McCain, the more attractive he becomes.

5. Super Tuesday -- Disturbing demographic divisions as Obama wins with blacks but loses among Hispanics and Clinton wins women but falters with men.

Super Storm -- Disturbing gender divisions as a disproportionate number of men push shovels and snowblowers while a disproportionate number of women are stuck with crazed, snow-bound children.

6. Super Storm -- Local TV reporters stand shivering in front of snow drifts and don't tell us anything useful.

Super Tuesday -- National TV journalists stand clueless in front of multi-colored maps and don't tell us anything useful.

7. Super Storm -- Low pressure on top of us.

Super Tuesday -- George Stephanopoulos.

8. Super Storm -- This winter will never end.

Super Tuesday -- This campaign will never end.