Why?

1. Why is Brett Favre still hanging on? I mean, when you're pushing 40, your skills are diminished and clearly your best days are behind you, why drag it out to an embarrassing end? Now if he were a columnist, this would be an entirely different matter...

2. Why can't I take good advice? So I sit down at my desk Tuesday, hot coffee in hand, birds singing and voice mail light blinking.

I have one message...message one, "Dorman, it's about time you get your head out of your ass..." Evidently the chap was unhappy that I stuck up for the Ellis boathouses, or "dumps," as he calls them. I really wasn't shocked, having been advised to undergo this delicate procedure before, many times, in fact. I never listen.

The caller, however, did not specify which should be removed first, the boathouses or my embeded head. Perhaps he'll ring again.

3. Why isn't Tom Vilsack a better gardener? He admitted this weekthat his plot at the Department of Agriculture is inferior to Michelle Obama's White House stand of organic veggies. Our former biotech booster-in-chief, bested by a Chicago attorney. It was a dark day for all Iowans with dirt under their nails. I lowered my tomato cages to half-staff.

4. Why would a U.S.senator toting the baggage of an undisclosed (now very disclosed) affair bother making a presidential toe-dipping trip to Iowa? Maybe he thought what happens in the office of a senator who represents Vegas stays in the office of a senator who represents Vegas.

5. Why don't I know what I want for Father's Day? Maybe that advice guy will call back with a suggestion.