Electionary - 2009 Edition

Cedar Rapids City Council and mayoral candidates have been using (and using and using) a wide array of insider terms, political lingo and catch-phrases as they seek to curry favor with you, the voter.

With Tuesday's vote fast approaching, I've compiled a helpful*glossary of some of the most frequently used campaign jargon. Definitions are based on what I've heard from the candidates.

No, no. No need to thank me. (*Not really helfpful)

Buy Local – 1. Reasonable effort to give local businesses a bigger share of local government business. 2. A panacea that will pave the way for smooth streets, safe neighborhoods, low taxes and a new era of happiness. 3. A political gimmick.

Co-Location – 1. Locating city, county and school district administrative functions in a convenient single facility with the goal of sharing costs and resources. 2. The answer to all of your difficult, politically dicey questions about the future of public facilities.

Consultant – 1. Individual or firm hired by the city to provide invaluable expertise on a complex issue or process. 2. Out-of-state company paid big bucks to do what smart local people could have done. 3. Savior who helped bring us federal riches. 4. Cossack who made off with our treasury. 5. Hero. 6. Scapegoat.

Council-Manager Form of Government (See also Manager-Council form of government) -- 1. It works. 2. It doesn't work. 3. Improving. 3. Hapless. 4. Professional. 5. Deferential. 6. Methodical. 7. Plodding. 8. Thoughtful. 9. Timid.

Crime – 1. Is down 22 percent. 2. Is rampant. 3. Fork over the wallet and no one gets hurt.

Culture of Delay – 1. Shorthand for frustrations over slow progress by the City Council on flood recovery and other key issues. 2. The topic of an upcoming nine-month fact-finding effort aimed at speeding up city decision-making.

Downtown – 1. Economic and social core of the city. The focus of critical redevelopment efforts vital to the health of the whole community. 2. Giant hole where bags of money stolen from neighborhoods is piled and burned to provide the heat needed to froth milk for rich people's lattes.

Growing the Pie – 1. Expanding the city's tax base through economic development and job creation efforts. 2. Literally baking massive, delicious pies in an effort to attract new businesses and residents.

Leadership – 1. Something we need. 2. Something (insert name of candidate) can provide. 3. Whatever.

Political Expediency – 1. My opponent wants to take the easy way out instead of following the correct but more difficult path. 2. My opponent just scored mucho points by promising to do something people actually want, and I've got to say something.

Prosser – 1. The last name of Cedar Rapids' city manager, a well-trained professional who oversees day-to-day city operations. 2. Second only to “the” among words uttered by candidates for city office this fall. 3. A creature from Norse mythology that draws its immense power from the indecision of weak mortals.

Revenue Diversification – 1. Reasonable effort to lobby state lawmakers for permission to collect revenue from sources other than property taxes, such as local sin taxes, wheel taxes, income tax etc. 2. An issue that deserves discussion within the framework of comprehensive state tax reforms. 3. A secret city plan to build a mobile revenue machine that grabs citizens by their ankles and shakes money out of their pockets into a giant dump truck.

Sustainability – 1. Development strategy that values long-term environmental, economic and social benefits, even if that requires higher up-front costs. 2. A money-eating, tree-hugging fad, like climate change etc. 3. No connection to Bud Light's “Drinkability.”

Taj Mahal – 1. The name of an Indian landmark everyone wants to see. 2. Nickname for a new, pricey city hall in Cedar Rapids that apparently nobody wants to build.

Please, feel free to add your own entries.