Product suggestions for leaders to consider

The recent “pink slime” debate has started me thinking on how we can help our representatives make better decisions when it comes to dealing with delicate public issues.

First, “Dude, it's beef” just doesn't cut it, Mr. Governor. I would have leaned toward something more French sounding. Lingerie=underwear, foie gras=bird liver, so my suggestion would be “Rouge D' Moo Moo.”

Second, graphic warnings will never deter a cigarette smoker. So, let's just pass a law that all cigarettes will be renamed “Poopy Stink Sticks.” I doubt that any kid will wanna brag to his friends, “Hey, I stole some Poopy Stink Sticks from my dad's pack!”

Finally, if the government wants to do something positive for the average guy, they should start genetic research into combining morel mushrooms with dandelions. We could call them moreldelions or Dande'shrooms and we could just go out to the front yard and “weed” to feed! I'm over 50 and it's getting harder to find those sneaky little devils out in the timber! Probably because of global warming.

Brad Shoemaker

Cedar Rapids