Summer Reruns -- A call from the fairgrounds for the governor

I'm off this week, so I'm posting a few reruns. 

From April 15, 2012.

A phone rings in the governor's office.

“Governor Branstad speaking.”

“Yeah, hi, governor. This is the Butter Cow, calling from the fairgrounds.”

“Oh, my gosh. Chris was right. I did eat too much finely textured beef … Wait a second. Chet? Is that you again? Look, it was a kinda funny the first dozen times, but this is really getting old …”

“No seriously, governor, it's really me, 600 pounds of low-moisture, pure-cream Iowa butter. Calling from inside the cooler. They made me a butter iPhone last summer. Downloaded some awesome pats. Got that 4G now.”

“So what do you need, Butter Cow? I'm sort of busy, you know, governing.”

“Well, I just wanted to ask you to back off this whole school start date deal. You really shouldn't force schools to start after the State Fair. It's just not right, governor.”

“But I'm trying to make sure kids have time to go to our Great State Fair, to see you and all the other attractions.”

“Sure. I appreciate the flattery. But we already get a million people out here every year. They line up, shuffle by and gawk. They watch me and I watch them. What else have I got to do?

“And I notice things. These kids have all sorts of gadgets they never used to have. The world is changing, governor. It's way more complex, moves a lot faster. Everything's going global. They've got teriyaki beef on a stick out here now. Schools have a very big job. They need help, not new edicts from on high.”

“But Butter Cow, what about our agricultural heritage? What about tourism bucks?”

“Yeah, I get that. But our heritage is about working hard and sacrificing to make sure the next generation has it better than we did. That's Iowa. Folks have always found time to go to the fair. It's been around since 1854. I think it will be just fine. People spend money out here like mad cows.”

“Yes, Cow, but my own daughter is a teacher who will miss the fair due to the early school start.”

“So you change state education policy? You got a speeding camera ticket, so then you wanna ban cameras? What are you gonna do next, make everybody grow a mustache?”

“You know, Cow, I make a couple of phone calls and your cooler might get, I dunno … unplugged.”

“OK, sorry. It's just that I've been studying Iowans for a while. I've got a lot of respect for them. Sure, they wait in line to stare at carved butter, and will eat anything you put on a stick, but they're still smart people. And I think they're perfectly capable of deciding when their local schools should open each August, without your help.”

“Fine, fine you've said your piece. Point taken. Anything else, Butter Cow?”

“Yeah, now that you mention it. I'm a little worried about where I fit into this healthiest state thing.”