A Big Deal, And No Big Deal

I'm not much for writing about anniversaries. But I read Jennifer Hemmingsen's take on the anniversary of the Iowa Supreme Court Ruling clearing the way for marriage equity, and I decided to weigh in.

Jennifer is a strong, clear voice on this issue, and was again Wednesday. I agree with her 99.9 percent.

I just don't share her view that folks who argue that legal same-sex marriage is no big deal somehow downplay the big, important changes the court's ruling brought to Iowa.

In my mind, the ruling was both - a very big deal and no big deal.

It was a big, dramatic civil rights victory. But its lasting legacy is smaller and personal.

I think back to my wedding 10 years ago. My wife and I had already been together for nearly five years, and if you'd asked me the day before whether a couple of rings would change much, I'd have said no.

But you find out fast, once the rice is swept up and the presents are opened, that things are very different. The feel of your relationship is richer, deeper, and your bond is stronger. It's big.

But it's also small. Our marriage didn't change the wider world. No one gave a speech or threw a parade. We didn't care.

The couples who challenged Iowa's ban on same-sex marriages were certainly elated and proud a year ago to play a part in changing the world and making history. They beamed and cheered when told of the unanimous ruling.

But in talking with them moments later, it was clear that their true reasons for fighting the good fight were more modest. They wanted stability for their families, and the small, everyday satisfactions stability brings. They sought a stronger, deeper bond.

They wanted to strike a loud blow for civil rights to be sure, but they also wanted to enjoy the quiet fruits of a successful fight. And that means being allowed to live as people, not as plaintiffs.

Now, hundreds of Iowans have followed their lead. A big deal, and yet, no big deal.

Critics of this ruling want you to forget the small stuff. Don't think of this issue as couples, families trying to live lives and fulfill their dreams. Think of it only as a sweeping change of biblical proportions that must be reversed.

That's because they know when this debate becomes about our neighbors, co-workers and friends, the broad, dark brush strokes they're using to paint an ominous doomsday epic will look like hieroglyphics from a bygone era.

The ruling is a landmark. But the road forward is being paved in smaller steps, one marriage at a time. A big deal, and also no big deal. We can celebrate both.

Comments: (319) 398-8452 or todd.dorman@gazcomm.com