I Laughed, I Cried, I Checked My Watch A Bunch of Times

The Cedar Rapids City Council celebrated this week's summer solstice, which brought us the longest daylight of the year, by holding a 24-hour council meeting last night.

OK, it just seemed that long. It was actually just shy of five hours.

But it was an epic drama, with triumphs and tragedies, proclamations and PowerPoint. It's sure to garner several nominations at this year's Municipal Theatrical Academy awards, or the Munies.

A few of the nominees:

Best Breaking of Bad News-- Flood Recovery Director Greg Eyerly showed his range, displaying both candor and compassion as he told the council that the Sinclair smokestack that it hoped to save only has a short time to live.

Give it to us straight, flood czar.

Tension built from the moment he began methodically describing how expert engineers from Oak Park Chimney inspected the 171-foot, six-inch-tall smokestack from the safety of a "manbasket." First, plinth, now manbasket. So much vocabulary building in this stack saga.

At 89 feet, there are cracks big enough to fit an arm in. Gasp.

At 100 feet, six-inch cracks nearly all the way through.

Restoring the top 106 feet of the stack would mean...dismantling it "brick-by-brick" by hand.

Then the numbers. The don't look good...four to six week construction delay, $740,000....restoration, $1 million...lost FEMA demolition bucks, $1 million...total cost $2.74 million.

I'm afraid it's demolition. And there isn't much time.

"That report's pretty enlightening," said Mayor Ron Corbett, bucking for his own nomination for best understatement.

"I think the evidence is clear it's beyond rehab," said Council member Justin Shields, who was a passionate stack supporter, before a solemn 8-0 vote for bringing it down.

All hope is not lost, according to our nominee. Eyerly said he's exploring the possibility of saving the smokestack's sturdy plinth. 

You had to have a feeling that this was how the smokestack saga would probably end. You can't blame preservationists for trying, and I sympathize with their efforts. I just hope they didn't squander so much political capital over this unpopular foray that they have a harder time saving something truly significant. 

Best Lobbying -- They had to wait until the very end of the meeting before they could finally count their chickens, but Cedar Rapids CLUC had to be happy with the urban chicken ordinance approved on its first reading.

What started as a bid for a one-year pilot with a limited number of permits is now an ordinance that won't limit the number of permits. The city council can vote to give chickens the hook, but there is no time limit in the law.

So, after asking to give chicks a chance, the council served up a four-egg omelette with hashbrowns and a side of pancakes.

"It's country livin' comes to the big city," Corbett crowed.

Best Use of Cliche-- You knew it was coming as the council talked about the many positives of picking TrueNorth to develop the old library building.

 TrueNorth's current site is where the new library will be built, so the swap makes sense. Council members pledged to help a second bidder for the old library, Intermec, find another downtown location.

Sounds like this will work out for all concerned. Here it comes...

"It's a win-win for everybody," said Council member Chuck Swore. Nailed it.

Well, unless you're with the folks who wanted to turn the old library into a toy museum and retail outlet. Even a conceptual drawing showing the building painted in bold, bright colors with a giant Big Wheel on top did not persuade the council's big wheels to come out and play.

Best Costuming -- Mayor Ron Corbett looked cool and casual in his mint-green golf polo, hacking away at critical city issues. I kept waiting for the beverage cart to roll through, but it never came.