17-year itch: “Friends,” cicadas ... Hawkeyes?

There are now too many signs to ignore. Iowa will win the 2021 Big Ten football championship.

Not just the Big Ten West, which sends its representative to Indianapolis each December to lose to Ohio State. Nay. The Hawkeyes will win the whole conference.

By the way, many in our state still cling to Iowa’s 55-24 brutalizing of Ohio State in 2017, the last time the two met. That was four Big Ten titles ago for the Buckeyes. Living well really is the best revenge.

So much, however, is surfacing to lead us to believe the Hawkeyes will halt OSU’s ownership of the championship and end Iowa’s 17-year stretch without a league title.

Wait, what? Did someone say “17-year?”

There are a lot of 17-year gaps closing. For instance …

For the first time since 2004, the last year Iowa earned a Big Ten football (co-) championship, “Friends” is returning to the airwaves.

The smash-hit sitcom of 10 years went off the air in ’04 so its six stars could all go off and do whatever they did.

But next Thursday, “Friends: The Reunion” will begin streaming on HBO Max. Among the guest stars are Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, David Beckham and Cindy Crawford. Because what group of six friends doesn’t know a bunch of international celebrities?

Speaking of celebs, Jennifer Lopez just got back together with Ben Affleck. They got engaged in 2002. They broke off the engagement in, that’s right, 2004.

Lopez went on to marry and divorce Marc Anthony. She got engaged to Alex Rodriguez in 2019. Famous people like to be with each other. It makes them more famous.

J-Lo and A-Rod broke off their engagement last month. Affleck married Jennifer Garner in 2005, and divorced her in 2018. A-Rod starred for the New York Yankees. Affleck is a big Boston Red Sox fan. None of this matters.

Meanwhile, Pepsi Blue is back for the first time since — wait for it — 2004.

The soft drink reemerged this month. It will only be available until mid-July. It’s berry-flavored. Pepsi said "passionate Pepsi Blue fans have been clamoring for the return of their beloved berry cola" for years.

The pandemic has kept me away from people, but I can’t remember hearing people clamoring for berry cola between 2005 and last month. Of course, I can’t remember hearing anyone pleading to hear “Oh My God!” another hundred times. That phrase was uttered 1,069 times over the 236 episodes of “Friends.”

It’s not just baseball that is stuffed with stupid statistics. Rachel led Monica, with 269 “Oh My Gods!” to 243. Chandler, who would have been my pick to be the leader, said “Oh My God!” just 84 times.

Speaking of repetitive chirping, let’s talk about cicadas.

Brood X cicadas emerge from underground hideouts every 17 years to sing and mate, and make an incredible amount of noise for a few weeks. They don’t bite or sting people, fortunately, or you’d have tens of millions of Americans shouting “Oh My God!”

This is a Brood X year. Those insects haven’t been out and about in the U.S. since 2004. They’re about to return.

There’s good news here for us in Iowa, cicada-wise. The Brood X’ers aren’t our problem. They’ll mainly be in the East and Southeast. Periodical cicadas are mostly gone from Iowa.

But since it’s going to happen in the East, get ready for the “Breaking News: Cicadas are Singing” chryons at the bottom of the screen on your favorite and least-favorite cable news networks.

We’ve got Friends, Bennifer, Pepsi Blue and cicadas all coming back for the first time 2004. If the Hawkeyes don’t win their first Big Ten football championship since ’04, there can be just one logical reaction:

Oh My God!

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com