There Goes the Free Speech Neighborhood

Welcome to the First Amendment neighborhood, Corporate America.

I saw the U.S. Supreme Court ruling expanding First Amendment protections to your political speech. So I knew you'd be moving in. I brought brownies. There's only enough for the board of directors, but I figured some crumbs would trickle down to your loyal employees. I've read that's how it works.

About the neighborhood. I personally love the view. But it can get a little wild around here.

You've got scribes and journalists and poets and bloggers, hacks and cranks, hot heads and voices of reason. Over there are the great novelists, pulp-peddlers and texters, Klansmen and pornographers, flag wavers and flag burners.

We've got screamers and whisperers, evangelists and sinners, artists and agitators, politicians and anarchists. There are guys in offensive Tshirts and others wearing black arm bands. Down the block are peaceniks and warmongers, lovers, haters and tweeters. Finger-waggers and bird-flippers. And lawyers, lots of lawyers.

The block parties are something. But one thing, never yell fire in a crowded theater.

So we've heard a lot about you. You're sort of a big deal, Corporate America. You gave us muscle cars, microwaves and mass production.You drove innovation, or at least you bought a good idea when you saw it. You taught us how comforting it is to find the same hamburger and same cup of coffee on every street corner. You taught a thirsty world to sing, in perfect harmony. You tried harder. You just did it.

You sold bottled water to a nation with perfectly good indoor plumbing.

Sure, you messed up a few times. You nearly brought down the global economy. It happens. Downsizing, oil spills, offshore tax havens, the Corvair, Clear Pepsi, polluted water. Everybody makes mistakes.

And now it's politics. I personally put a bumper sticker on my car or wear a button or stick a sign in my yard. You'll spend tens of millions of dollars creating a sketchy outside group to deliver your message through a coordinated broadcast/online strategy across multiple platforms. To each their own.

I might write a column urging Congress to do something. You might threaten to let slip the bucks of corporate war against a member of Congress who doesn't see things your way. Variety is the spice of life, I say.

But hey, look who I'm talking to. You know politics, Corporate America.

You've been up to your neck in it for years. PACs and bundled executive donations and lobbying. I mean, just look at the number you did on health reform and energy policy and the tax code. You're an old pro.

So, again, welcome to the neighborhood. Oh, and about your jet. It's blocking my driveway.