When Yardies Attack

I actually received email today from a few people wondering when I would weigh in on the CR  City Council's $540,000 humanitarian missionto rescue Yardy users from threat of snapping plastic doom.

And when such requests occur, which is nearly never, you know we're looking at a unique moment in our civic history.

I'm almost a little ashamed to weigh in. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel, or in a Yardy, I guess.

Where to begin?

First, I understand we have some research showing that these harmless looking Yardy containers hold not only grass clippings, but the possibility of mayhem. And I sympathize with anyone who has been harmed.

My quarrell is not with the good folks maimed while trying to clean their yards. Get well soon.

And kudos to the inventor, Kim Brokaw, who showed good old American ingenuity in developing the "anti-tip plate." He's evidently one heck of a salesman. Put him on that effort to get Rockwell Collins and AEGON to move downtown.

But here's the thing. Why would we consider committing more than a half-million bucks before we really know whether anyone wants an anti-tip plate? I mean, couldn't we have asked Cedar Rapidians to phone in or log in and request that these devices be purchased on their behalf? Take a telephonic/online show of hands.

Then we'd know how many people think this is a problem worth city money. If scores of residents want a modified Yardy, order away.

We know this much, from The Gazette story:

Mark Jones, the city's solid-waste superintendent, said Thursday that the city had about 10 complaints about the Yardy in the summer of 2000, which prompted the city to send out a notice to customers to make sure the lid of the cart was closed before moving it. Since the summer of 2002, the city has had, perhaps, three complaints, he said.

I understand the inventor can't get a manufacturer to make these plates without showing demand. I think the city should be just as cautious. What is the demand? Do people truly want this?

No, instead, the council is poised to order 54,000 anti-tip plates. Staff or a contractor will install them. At least they're buying local.

I also understand the council is trying to solve a problem. But what about the company that manufactured this harmful Yardy? Why don't we ask them to pay for the upgrade?

The timing is also a problem, in my view.

At a time when every public opinion poll under the sun shows that people are fed up with a bloated government that they believe wastes their money, and when some families are $5.40 away from insolvency, CR spends $540,000 updating Yardies.

You could fill many a Yardy with better ideas for using $540,000 in this community.

But hey, at least it's bringing out our sense of humor.

From a reader:

Will we see a column soon on the killer yardies in our city? How much training, testing, licensing, and registration requirements does it take to drive a yardie for one to put the garbage out once a week? Does this rise to the level of a Ford, GMC, or Toyota automobile recall? Is a faulty automobile traveling at 70 miles per hour as dangerous as a yardie traveling 60 steps per minute? Should there be a speed limit of 30 steps per minute placed on all yardies? Should there be a blood alcohol level placed on preventing folks from driving a yardie until they sober up (do we need a designated yardie driver campaign)? Does their need to be an age limit before one can test and pass/fail to obtain a driving permit? Do we need no fault insurance or liability insurance before one can drive a registered yardie? Has the absurd risen to a level beyond the control of the body politic? Thank you for your kind consideration.

No, thank you. And be careful out there.