More using social media as a tool to help grieve

It didn't take long before friends of Katlin Abben posted pages on Facebook dedicated to their friend.

The 16-year-old Prairie High School sophomore died Friday morning, and by that afternoon at least five Web pages were created where people could post memories, condolences and thoughts.

Visit Katlin Abben's Facebook fan page

Such pages are another way social networking has changed the way people do things, including grieve.

“They're not detrimental, they're not controversial, they're just another way to provide support among people who are grieving,” said Suzanne Gebel, executive director of the Iowa Funeral Directors Association in West Des Moines.

People who use Facebook, MySpace or other social networking sites have turned to those sites to create fan pages, or special dedicated sites, to remember friends and loved ones who have died. Shortly after Aplington-Parkersburg coach Ed Thomas was killed, a Facebook paged called “In Loving Memory of Coach Ed Thomas” was created for people to post their thoughts.

Visit Ed Thomas' Facebook fan page

Don Damsteegt, a psychologist with Family Psychology Associates, 1221 Center Point Rd. NE, Cedar Rapids, likens the social media pages to a sort of “online visitation.”

“It reminds me very much of what might happen at a funeral. People might stand up and make a comment or a memory,” he said. “The question that we might ask is, if this is an equivalent to being there in person. Does anything we do online serve the same function as personal face-to-face or telephone contact does?”

For LeAnn Briesemeister of Swisher, the online option was something that she could do to let Abben's family know how she felt without getting lost in the crowd.

“I do plan to attend her visitation, but so will hundreds and hundreds of other people,” said Briesemeister, who was Abben's fourth-grade teacher. “It may be weeks or months before (the family) has time to sit down and process some of the comments and really even be able to understand the volume of people who are really thinking of them.”

For others, however, the online option is a little too public.

Remy Mumaw, 15, played volleyball with Abben and was one of her good friends. She's been on Facebook and read the postings by other people but hasn't written anything herself.

“I just didn't feel like it was something I wanted to do,” Mumaw said. She said she has “become a fan” of something others have written but doesn't think she'll write anything herself.