Technology closes distance for families, deployed reservists

“It doesn't have to be a holiday to miss him,” Kristen Massey says about her husband, an Army Reservist serving in Afghanistan.

If all goes as planned, Staff Sgt. Joseph Massey of Cedar Rapids will be home for Christmas. Until then, Massey is taking her husband's first deployment since their marriage four years ago one day at a time, trying to stay busy and focused on work and family.

“Some days are harder than others,” she says.

The families of deployed reservists struggle with the stress of separation and, at this time of year, the added stress of the holidays. Support networks and modern technology help close the distance, though.

Deployment is old hat to Dona Schulte of Marion who jokes that she and her husband of 20 years have spent more time apart than together.

“You never get used to it,” Schulte says. “In some ways it gets harder to be apart. The longer you are together, the harder it is to be apart.”

Reservists Massey and Maj. John Schulte are among about 50 members of the 649th Regional Support Group, based in Cedar Rapids, who left in July for mobilization to Afghanistan. They are part of the 103rd Expeditionary Sustainment Command, which has about 275 soldiers deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan.

Also included are about 75 from the 443rd Heavy Equipment Transporter Co. out of Council Bluffs that left in February and 175 from the 445th Transportation Co., based in Waterloo, that deployed in early June.

Schulte's husband is scheduled to be home today to spend Thanksgiving with her and their four children, ages 4 to 20.

“The kids are excited. They can't wait,” Schulte says, adding that Kaycee, the 4-year-old, is telling everyone that “Daddy's going to take me to school.”

As excited as Massey and Schulte are that their husbands will be home over the holidays, the two-week visits can be stressful, too.

“It's hard to explain to kids that Daddy has to go back,” Schulte says.

“Even if you're upset that your spouse is not there, you have to make it good for the kids,” Massey adds.

The women have turned to the Family Readiness Group, where they can share feelings with others who understand what they're going through.

“We rely on each other, the other families,” Schulte said. “We gain strength, because we can laugh and cry, because we all understand what each other is going through.”

The families try to cope with the stress by planning activities, such as holiday meals and Santa visits.

“You can have a bad day any day,” adds Schulte, who has been through four deployments.

Separation is made somewhat easier thanks to e-mail, cell phones and voice-over-Internet calls. The Masseys connect using Skype, software for making video and voice calls over a broadband connection.

Massey bought her husband a toy airplane, so when he has time, he can play with their 3-year-old son, Samuel, on the video call.

“It's kind of confusing, because he can see Daddy,” she says, but she's explained that “Daddy's going to be at work for a long, long time.”

With her husband coming home this week, Schulte is looking forward to the family spending time together. In addition to celebrating Thanksgiving, they plan to celebrate Christmas and a daughter's birthday.

“I've already baked every cookie he hasn't had in months,” Schulte says, laughing. “That's what they really miss.”