Divorce workshop has helped 1,000 children understand, cope

Yale Bernadotte's 6-year-old daughter - and other children whose parents are going through a divorce - needed to know she wasn't alone.

Kids First taught her that. The non-profit's two-hour workshops for children whose parents are getting a divorce shows kids how to cope with what's usually an emotional situation, understand it's not their fault and give them a chance to talk to someone besides their parents.

For Bernadotte's daughter, it was an opportunity to see that other kids have parents who argue, too.

“She has seen us arguing and the other kids were telling her their parents argue and I think that helped her understand,” says Bernadotte of Cedar Rapids. “She talked about (the workshop) for a couple of days after.”

Kids First served its 1,000th child through its workshops recently. The free workshops - mandated by a judge in Linn County - are for children ages 6 to 16.

Jenny Schulz, executive director, started Kids First Law Center - which also provides legal representation to kids in divorce and custody conflicts - in 2005.

The first workshop was held in 2008. It was started with a $50,000 state grant that hasn't been renewed since, but the classes have continued.

In 2009, United Action for Youth started offering the classes in Johnson County.

It's Schulz's hope to one day offer the same resource to children in all of Iowa's 99 counties.

“Parents are required to attend classes and have lawyers or counselors to talk to, but kids don't have anyone else,” Schulz says. “The classes are a combination of activities, discussion, role playing, video clips and artwork (for different age groups).”

Cassie Walsh says her 8-year-old daughter was having a rough time dealing with the fact that they weren't going to be one family anymore.

“The workshop helped explain the process to her,” Walsh says. “One little boy was talking about going to stay with his dad and I think she realized she could still see her dad, even if she was living with me.”

Greg Moore of Marion says his 6-year-old son was scared after he attended the workshop because of what the other children said, but it allowed Moore and his wife to have more discussion about divorce with their son and ultimately helped the situation.

“Many of these (divorces) are high conflict and they are tough on the kids,” 6th Judicial District Judge Marsha Beckelman says . “It's a way of making a child feel less isolated. They can get the information about the process from a neutral third party ... without any kind of slant (on situation).”

Parents don't always realize the children need the outside help.

“There's a real disconnect about divorce,” Schulz says.

Many parents don't tell children about the divorce or call it a divorce, she says. They must before the workshops, though, so it's not a surprise.

The classes help children differently depending on their age, Schulz says.

Younger children believe they have the power to get their parents back together and the older youths have misinformation about the legal process. They think they have to go into court and have the right to choose where they will live, which isn't the case.

Schulz and the other instructors don't tell parents what the children talked about during the workshop but will let the parents know if there is a concern, such as if they believe a child may need some counseling.