Modern matters: The art of conversation: Practice makes perfect

By Lauren M.G. Burt, correspondent

Once upon a time, people used to wait for the Pony Express to deliver news of family, friends and the world's events. Now communication comes via instant gratification within seconds. And there is more time devoted to electronic communications and non-human interaction than ever before. With the good and the bad of technology comes the new inevitable social challenge: Real conversations.

We all wince when we get stuck with that oddball uncle at a family function. Or the co-worker who is overly personal and nosy. And we have that friend who never knows what to say therefore always ends up saying the wrong thing.

I firmly believe most people are inherently good and not malicious. But words have an impact, they carry weight and power. So we must be aware of the art of conversation in all areas of our life; at work, at home, at the table and while socializing. We must be able to speak and be heard, not offend and isolate ourselves from others when we speak to them in real-time. We have to step outside of the emails and text messages.

Before we have the chance to speak, people need only seven seconds to make a judgment about us. We create the first impression with body language. Experts worry that young adults growing up as digital natives are not able to communicate as well as the generations before because they aren't developing the skills required to read body language, process facial emotions or assess real-time conversations as they mostly communicate via technology.

I can't wholeheartedly throw Millennials under the bus. Due to recent experiences of mere acquaintances asking me about marriage, babies and personal financial questions, I would say that many adults of all ages may equally lack social graces when it comes to conversations.

A small sampling of tips on conversing are as follows:

l When the almighty dollar is a topic, it should be discussed with respect, tact and intelligence. Bottom line: Money is emotional. Asking people how much something cost or how much they make is talk that is cheap. And rude.

l Keep conversations moving and keep them positive. Ask questions. Make it a two-way street by not controlling the dialogue. And try to listen just as much as you speak. Strive to be the type of person others would call a good conversationalist.

l If you find yourself on the receiving end of an awkward question, my to-go response is always, 'Why do you ask?” It works like a charm. It is strong yet polite. Direct but not rude. Use it the next time someone asks you about your weight, relationship status or income level.

l And last, but certainly not least, under no circumstances should someone ask a woman if she is pregnant. Never. Ever. Please, just don't.

Professionally and personally, I am always encouraging people to have more real, face-to-face conversations. They exist few and far between text message chains and busy days. I hope more people embrace the impact of their words. That less invasive questions are a component of a conversation. And for those that continue to ask the awkward questions or say the wrong thing, I am interestingly enough, grateful for them. They continue to provide reminders on what not to say, how not to make someone feel and create fodder for etiquette discussions. And it makes for a great story, for a great conversation.

' Lauren M.G. Burt is a communications professional and etiquette adviser based in the Midwest. She believes in the importance of embracing etiquette and a return to civility. Contact her with questions or comments at features@sourcemedia.net.