The Three-Legged Stool

Cedar Rapids Mayor Ron Corbett delivers his Condition of the City speech at noon today. We're reportedly streaming it live at thegazette.com, although I can't find the exact link at this hour.

I'm going out to Kirkwood's new hotel to watch the drama live. I thought about concocting a drinking game with some words and phrases I expect we'll hear, perhaps often. But it's midday on a Wednesday, people. None of you should be imbibing.

But if I had, I certainly would have included "three-legged stool." Maybe Corbett won't use it today, but he's been using it a lot lately. The three legs are state, federal and local option sales tax money needed to build flood protection.

I argued Tuesday that watershed management should be leg four. But, as mathematicians contend, three legs are more stable than four. Something about Hambly's Paradox. Look it up on an Internet near you.

Personally, I cringe at the three-legged stool metaphor.

That's probably because I covered the 2003 Iowa legislative session, when Gov. Tom Vilsack and Republicans who controlled the Legislature argued for months over his $500 million Grow Iowa Values Fund proposal. He wanted business incentives, but Republicans insisted economic development is a three-legged stool, with incentives, tax cuts and regulatory reforms.

They insisted that a lot. It was tough to sit through all that three-legged stooling.

Still, Corbett has plenty of rhetorical company.

Franklin Roosevelt used a three-legged stool to sell Social Security, arguing that pensions, savings and the new federal program would provide a financial foundation for the elderly.

Ronald Reagan had his own three-legged stool - free enterprise, a strong defense and "pro-family" social policies. Conservatives still argue about the lengths of the legs.

There's also the three-legged stool of Obama's health care reform law - insurance regulations, the individual mandate and subsidies for those who can't afford insurance. A stool that also remains the subject of much angst.

Clearly, three is a culturally potent number.

Perhaps you've heard of The Holy Trinity or the three primary colors or the fact that Earth is the third planet from the sun. Atoms have three parts, electrons, protons and neutrons. Three strikes in bowling is a Turkey. Our stooges generally come in threes. And Schoolhouse Rock confirms that three is a magic number.

Of course there's also Three-Mile Island, three strikes you're out and those celebrity deaths that seem to arrive in threes.

But I wish the mayor would come up with a different, more unique metaphor.

Maybe we could have the Three Amigos de Flood Protection, with Corbett, Branstad and Obama in sweet sombreros. Or maybe the Axis of Safety. Yeah, that sounds sort of dark.

How about the Cedar River Trio. Jazzed? Maybe not.

The Triangle of Togetherness? The Three-Headed Flood-Stopper? Three Cheers for the Levee? Three Big Bags of Dough? Three-Part Bureaucracy? Three Hands, Three Pockets?

I concede those all stink. But someone out there must have a good idea.

If not, I guess we can take Robert Frost's advice.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."