Me for College Football Playoff selection committee

One of the many beaten-to-death phrases people like to use is "It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it."

Every time it's said, the person who says it thinks it's a hoot. It isn't.

But being a member of the selection committee of College Football Playoff will truly be a dirty job. Somebody's gotta do it. And I volunteer.

The reason: It will give me the publicity that will lead to kind of page-view traffic that will make me viable in this brave, new digital world. Everything else about it, however, would stink.

College football fans tend to be, well, passionate. Passion makes people behave irrationally. Far more has gone badly because of passionate people than those who aren't particularly interested in things. Passionate fans are of the opinion the rest of the country doesn't respect their team, neglects their team, or flat-out hates their team. So they will see fatal flaws in virtually each member of the committee that will determine the four playoff teams. Every real and perceived negative about committee members will be circulated around the world, and then around the world again. And one more time just to be safe.

That won't be pleasant.

So it will take a rare, special kind of person to be on the committee. A person who just doesn't care. About anything. Other than picking the four most-deserving teams, assuming that's actually possible, which it probably won't be in many years. I mean, will No. 4 really be more-deserving than No. 5, or even, dare I say it,  No. 6?

Last year, Florida was No. 3 in the final BCS standings. Then it got handled by Louisville in the Sugar Bowl. Louisville was No. 21 in the final BCS standings. What the heck, BCS?

Rankings are always chock full o' questionable slottings. So those who make these College Football Playoff  rankings must be people of conviction. They must be people who don't pay attention to any voices except for the ones in their heads. That's me! Just ask my wife, my boss, people who have been in cars behind mine at stoplights waiting for me to react to the light turning green. Ask the people sitting in front of me in movie theaters who wish I'd stop blurting out "I'll never go to that!" during the previews before the feature film begins.

As for criticism of the committee members on national sports shows on radio, television and digital platforms? Gimme, gimme. Just pronounce my name right and plug my website, mikehlas.com. I don't own that URL, by the way. I would rather own collegefootbalplayoff.com. 

I was a voter on Associated Press' Top 25 football poll the last few years. I didn't show regional bias or a conference bias. I voted for the best teams. That was the assignment, and I heeded it. I was a credit to sports, fairness, and humanity.

Alabama was my preseason No. 1 as well as my postseason No. 1 last season. I have no love for Alabama football, folks. To me, it's like rooting for BP or Exxon Mobil. Or Donald Trump.

If anything, I'd like to see Vanderbilt beat the Crimson Tide by 49 points the next time they meet. But I voted for the best teams, and Alabama was the best of the best. If the nine Supreme Court justices were as fair-minded, this nation would be on the road to Utopia. How did I get so fair? It's some sort of miracle.

Also, there does need to be someone from the media on this panel to spill the beans about everyone else on the committee. You need an insider to inform you about their prejudices, their vanities, and the suspicious ways they act. Don't leave all the heavy lifting to TMZ.com.

I, however, cannot be bought. They say everyone has a price, but I most certainly do not. If you would like me to prove that to you, contact me to set up a private interview. A warning, however: It will cost you.

One more thing: Should Iowa or Iowa State be in the mix for the College Football Playoff's "Final Four," I will most certainly will not recuse myself from the committee.  My home state comes first, and it would be my responsibility as an Iowan to represent the people I live among and get everything I can get for them.

Some call it pork. People can be so cynical.